- Non-Erotic Poetry
- scattered, sewn, forgotten
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too wide
the holes in this screen that shakes us through
what did you expect from decades of stretch and snip?
we pour ourselves into piles of rubble
indistinguishable from common gravel
because we are
common gravel
under foot
what a relief
not trying to shine or levitate
no hand selected beach combed worry stone
platinum set promise stone
no corner stone with date carved deep
do they believe it will keep the day
we were constructed?
another generations passes
it will be forgotten:
the numbers
the rough cut of granite
the way your eyes turn down
and to the left every time you
speak of her grey eyed and silver hair
we are sifted, sewn
~
- COMMENTS
SeattleRainabout 13 years agoAuthormaybe cut the common gravel line and re-title it to reflect the same idea-- I am in the process of accepting my ordinary-ness. It sucks.
Angelineabout 13 years agoand yet there's a lot of passion and regret here, too, but neatly reined in--more cool observation than bathos. You are so good that it's hard to ever find anything to suggest lol, but I do think that common gravel and the iltalicized "are" are maybe not the best way to go. Is sand too close to cliche? (Might be.) Maybe common gravel is the best way to put it and I have rocks in my head. :-D
bogusagainabout 13 years agoI really enjoyed the poem but for these two lines.
because we are
common gravel
They are far too didactic for the style of the rest of the poem. I would just delete them and leave the poem as it is. I don't think they add anything to the poem while disrupting the sensibility of the poem.
vrosej10about 13 years agoI get it. It's about cemeteries,death, life etc. I do think it could use an edit and it's maybe a touch too long but I actually loved it and think it is delightful.
