Self-Destruction

the world and my life tumble before my eyes,
my dreams and goals all go crashing down,
my hopes and my faith also fall,
and i wonder if this life is worth it all.
i sit here and cry, shuddering
through heart-wrenching pain
and just . . . just try to move on
but pain and rage thrash through me
that leaves me paralyzed to the floor
inside my mind, i throw myself,
in the waves of my rage and fury
inside, i hurt, i hurt so bad that i can't move
moving at all, just brings more pain
and i just wish it would all go away
dark red sticky blood fills my vision,
even though i can't see a thing
in this dark that i call my own mind
i just want 2 die, but i will not,
i will not allow myself to give up
even though inside, it screams at me
it screams that i should, and it also screams,
to fight, not run away from it all
but which one i should listen to,
i simply know not, and so i cry
i cry lava tears that slide down my cheeks
that just pool some more inside me
my sobs rack my body with earthquakes
and i wonder if the self-destruction will be over
my hands had turn to claws in my agony,
curling at my head from such pain
my eyes leak tears continuously
and it seems like they're blood instead
the blood inside me burns like fire
all i want to do is just scream
inside my heart beats like a never ending
drum hammering against my chest,
and i just wish this pain would go away
my thoughts scream at me,
themselves, wondering about my past,
my present, and especially my future
and all i could do of answering back,
is scream, curdling in my own damn ears
i try to stop my agony, but it seems endless,
an endless torture of self-destruction
i shudder and wither in my mindless beaten body
and all i can do is cry and move on
even through this impossible self-destruction