She is so strong

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"She is so Strong" they would whisper, as I walked into a room, after having bore and buried my son in a span of 11 days.....
How helpless I feel, I would think, as I closed the door of my home, blocking out the "others", having talked to doctors, morticians, florists, hugging and shaking hands and thanking those who came to the hospital, or the funeral, perhaps with a crack in my voice, and a single tear, but once inside my home... falling into a crumpled heap on the floor, weeping, mourning my precious baby boy.....hitting the floor with my fist, tears falling freely.
"How confident she is..." I hear as I walk into the office, ready to tackle the days work of dealing with doctors, lawyers......
How strange this is....I would think to myself, talking the talk of the competent business woman
"How lucky she is..."they comment to each other, as I leave work, and head home, free to do whatever strikes my fancy...
How empty I feel,coming home to this empty house. How I would love to find a Master there, and go to my knees before him, knowing the decisions are his, and that I am his, and free to be who I am, feel what I feel, and be totally accepted, and loved.

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