Shudder Bug

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Preta
Preta
2 Followers

She sent me a picture of a New England sunset
via her cell phone.
" Thinking of you"
I was listening to Mahalia Jackson
" In The Upper Room".
The image was a tarnished nickle moon shot through
a back lit bruised plum sky,
and a smoke stack,
spewing frozen white steam,
arching up,with selfish intent.

I could see the connection.

I went back to the upper room
with Jesus.
I let Mahalia bathe me in a forgiveness
that the photographer never will.


Preta
Preta
2 Followers
  • COMMENTS
7 Comments
annaswirlsannaswirlsover 17 years ago
~

beautiful, really.... just a comment of personal preference -- consider using italics instead of quotes, especially in a piece like this, the italics are softer, and might give your verse a more musical quality.

GuiltyPleasureGuiltyPleasureover 17 years ago
Wondeful..........

....title and poem to match. I really like them both.

Tess

sacksackover 17 years ago
Is this too open ended?

Possibly, but the vagueness at the end gives the poem a "never ending" quality. There is a bittersweet quality throughout...she may be an old flame of sorts, or he may have cheated on her, there are a number of possibilities. Excellent word choice and thanks for sharing this with lit.

LeBrozLeBrozover 17 years ago
~~

Last two lines make it wonderful

Leaving the reader to fill in the blanks

And interpret it for himself.

duckiesmutduckiesmutover 17 years ago
*

I've read this three times, and I think would need to read it at least three more before I could leave a suitable comment. That said, the tone of this was inspiring, and I'm glad I decided to read the new poems this morning, even if this was the only one posted.

The spaces before the quotation marks in the third and fifth sentence could drive a punctuation mark person crazy, though. :)

Thanks for sharing.

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