- Non-Erotic Poetry
- silent rain
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this morning is lonely and gray
the rain streaks over cold glass
mist snakes down the mountain
the world is darker....
there is no consolation
in my hands.
birds are still in the tree's
unnaturaly subdued and silent
they know this is no day to fly
spring blossoms are spent
their fallen petals
resign to the orchard floor
the tree's wait for the pregnacy of summer
and the deliverance of fall
the cat creeps
stealthy and silent
looking for it's hidden prey
wet fur streaked with hunger
nothing more than a shadow in the tall grass
black water rippled with cold rain kisses
cattails hide even the ducks today
silent as a stick
fishing for it's breakfast
the zen Heron
is waiting....
- COMMENTS
ohhh_liviaabout 16 years agoThe first two lines are awful, I agree with the number boy. However, he was being very kind in his review of this piece. Have you ever heard of the notion, "show, don't tell"? YOU are telling us about the whole situation here. Overall, a barely boring piece of work.
And, while on the subject, why did you place an apostrophe in the word "tree's"? You are showing it as possessing nothing, so why the added punct...
this poem is not really worth the read...
twelveooneabout 19 years agoThe first two lines gotta go, or bury 'em elsewhere, however, the last four - nothing better. Now what is inbetween, nice and clean.
Stongest lines at the beginning and end if possible.
nice work
Wanton Vixxxenabout 19 years agoeven in its silence. You always take metaphors and descriptives to stratospheric heights and this poem is by no means an exception, Sabina. This piece will linger with Me as My silent companion through rainy Spring here in Pennsylvania. Just beautiful!
Vixxx
My Erotic Tailabout 19 years agoI love this poem~ Thanks for sharing this wonderful write! simply awesome~ Art~
