Silent Star

A perfect flame burns slow and low
In the shadowy dampened corner of her
Heart
sullied ....
               soiled
dark for so long, too long
deaf ears unable to enjoy
Your forbidden song

Apple-bitten
Lust-ridden,
Love-hidden,
Desire-smitten,
longing ... and belonging
in this, always.  
Always

A burning need that enflames,
Engulfs,
Entraps,
Bewilders ...
 
One huddled, befuddled mess
Am I  ...
a withering, dithering, lost, lonely
Hopeless mess am I.

Watching time move by trains' windows
Sighing and a petulant wave good-bye,

Unable to listen to reliable, steady beats,
to sit silent and still,
to act on the urges
and live this one life like I meant it,
to bend my intentions to the heart's will.

  Life, pale and plastic,
  As though it were one of many,
  Able to be wasted, carefree,
  Not the real one, the one with
  Envy

An envy
that employs the hearts of the many

A velveteen rabbit kind of love
A love that plans and possesses before
Lips first touch
A love that blossoms and blooms
Like fields of wildflowers that no one
Expected would take root
Sprouting in late November instead of early June

Shall I die lonely, tormented,
Desolate, alone?
Or,
Will it be easier because it had really never been?

I beg to suffer until our days end,
Because I never got to light the heart or mend ...
Because this love-affair never was able to begin
Because I ruined the perfect-ness that you lent

Promises to the self unfulfilled
A silent star in the farce of her life,
The one who gave into her fear
Instead of her heart's will,
The one who flourished in the dark, and
Shunned the light

The one who said "if only," and then cut her nose
In spite