- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Smile for Me
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I cannot count the stars,
held captive-
By just this,
the light of your smile.
Hopeful beams shine
in glares of
forgiven past;
None certain of tomorrow,
And yet,
most hopeful of today.
Could then my heart
be stilled
by the sheer thought-
of souls so giving.
An un-illusional realness
that touches so
the core of me.
Tender mercies fallen
yet raining life
upon barren ground.
Soak then,
through all my roots-
And plant upon me
Your smiling seed.
....
- COMMENTS
LeBrozabout 17 years agoWelcome back — you've been missed. Been so tied up these past 4 weeks+, didn't even realize you were back!
Bill Dadaabout 17 years agoHey I was smiling before I read your poem. The fact that you're back had me smiling, the poem was a bonus.
Curiouswifeabout 17 years agoIt's been a long time (for both of us!). Nice to read your work again. :)
-Curiouswife
Anonymousabout 17 years agostanza is okay but the rest of the poem collapses after that.
Your language suffers from being too cliched and saccharine. The last two stanzas, in particular, are a good example of that.
Perhaps you could develop the poem around the imagery in the first stanza. Focus on the details that tell the poem. Drop anything not relevant.
bluerainsabout 17 years agoray of sun with every word that comes from your beautiful world...am so
glad you are writing again...some of these lines are well crafted the un-illusional
real works great with the flow..thanks for sharing your light...blue
