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Click hereThis is a try to conquer something new.
I think I need to stretch my brain a bit.
I'll write one first, and then maybe a few
More if I can. I don't think I can quit
Making rhymes that others'd like to read;
Might even try themselves if they are bold.
Who knows where this new exercise might lead.
I want to make a mark before I'm old.
This guy who reads my stuff has made me think
Of what I might be able to produce,
To grow my mind, to take me to the brink
Of some new place. I can't declare a truce
On fighting time, of giving in to age.
This is a war I'm now willing to wage.
An excellent first try at the form; technically correct. Now all you need do is to follow through with subject matter with which to fill the form.
I was giving my overall feeling regarding this poem. regarding my advice it's a result of a cumulative impression of past poems in addition to this one, which again is only personal. I can't be happier when fellow commentators (hopefully as many as possible) provide feedback to any poem, cheers!
once again, I disagree, respectfully. This, amoung other things, shows an excellent use of enjambment. Kudos.
I am impressed by the sincerity of your cause and your goal, and the courage and the will are evidently there. Still, you might wish to consider the strategy you choose in following your pursuit. The forms are mere vessels. My notion is to involve something outside of the 'vessel' (the sonnet or any other poetic form) itself and put into the equation any experience which captures your imagination - no matter how mundane or lofty; intimate or public in nature. See if you can show in the poem what it was that made the experience interesting to you. Chances are that if you feel satisfied that you captured that interesting angle, some people would see it too.