- Erotic Poetry
- Still Life Series
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1.
Here the iris opens
a shutter for sun, orange
tall grass camera snaps
this picture: he leans, curled, tawny
over the bed
yellow light slaps a wood floor. The pale
skin of an arm, careless
curve under a sheet.
He leans to kiss
she reaches one hand
touches the nape
of his neck
2.
They lay
pale and side by side, ripened
even as rows of wheat.
3.
Watch now
this delicate
flutter, this silence
a green moth
this motionless light
take no breath
let it be
ice: click
4.
she leaning
mouth open to me, and one
finger touches
my lips open; the warm breath
pours, spicy smoke
her fingers
never leave my face, delicate as insects
moth kiss on eyelid, shivers
on cheek and lash
our blend
of breath and body
warm, the coast of skin.
- COMMENTS
normal jeanalmost 17 years agoI can see that you have a terrific grasp of metaphor, style. Your work reads like the hundreds of poems I see when I go online and read poetry in ezines that publish one style of poetry....
You have succumbed to that ubershort line syndrome. It disrupts whatever flow you had going and sterillizes the work. It is only my opinion, but the 2 and 3 word "lines" do little for a poem.
Once again, I admire your tenacity to have your lines just so, but the result reads as severely over-edited/ it makes the poem feel cut and cleansed, void of the passion it takes for *me* to thoroughly enjoy a poem.
I will continue to read you because one day you will probably just let go and spill something beautiful all over the place :)
Anonymousalmost 17 years agoI very much liked your poem. The imagery is good, and the metaphors rich. I would like to see some concrete material here though. Abstraction is great, but eroticism needs some grounding in physicality to me?...
