Submissive Edge

Poem Info
92 words
2.5k
0
6
Share this Poem

Font Size

Default Font Size

Font Spacing

Default Font Spacing

Font Face

Default Font Face

Reading Theme

Default Theme (White)
You need to Log In or Sign Up to have your customization saved in your Literotica profile.
PUBLIC BETA

Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.

You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.

Click here

Beg luscious fleshed mistress
of submission to taste the edge
you slip against the lips
of bliss until exquisite pain
denies the flight of spirals
into oblivious glory fulfilled
with permission to fall against
that steel limit one more time
withdraw and calm each tender
nerve until pleasure pulls you on
toward the summit and hold
your breath as you slip back one
for each two forward and then
the demand to continue beyond
agony to succumb to the ultimate
ascent of ecstacy at the limit
of your endurance to submit.

  • COMMENTS
6 Comments
ishtatishtatabout 13 years ago
Falstaff

Put a grave accent on the second e in fleshed and it 'sounds' like a period piece to be declaimed, rather loudly by some Falstaffian figure.

GuiltyPleasureGuiltyPleasureabout 13 years ago
The previous comments.....

.....have covered all I would say. I like the breathless feel that the lack of punctuation and your enjambment creates. My reservations on BDSM poems was loosened by this work. I liked it with the same provisor the others have on the first line.

Tess

AngelineAngelineabout 13 years ago
Lovely but needs taming

It's a lovely bunch of images and I like the pace, which builds appropriately for the theme. I agree with 1201 about the first two lines. Imo if you began with "Submit to taste the edge," I think it would read more smoothly. And I think you could tighten the poem overall if you combed out some of the articles and prepositions. For example this: "the demand to continue beyond/agony to succumb to the ultimate" is a great set of lines but if you said "demand to continue beyond agony/sucumb the ulimate/ascent of ecstacy is the limit/of your endurance to submit" I think you get a tighter clearer image and a stronger ending. And because it changes to a more active voice you get more immediacy--and I think this poem is a lot about immediacy, you know? Also I'd try to move some of the line breaks that are not nouns or verbs. I think that would propel the poem forward better. Just my opinion Champ, but like I just said in another comment I give tough love to those whose abilities I respect! xo

PS Your style has taken a decidedly jazzy turn and you know how I love that!

PSS Lack of punctuation works beautifully in this poem.

UnderYourSpellUnderYourSpellabout 13 years ago
~

I got out of breath for two reasons, one was reading it with no punctuation which I think detracted from my enjoyment although I realise it's purpose, and the other was from the true erotiscism of the words.

LiarLiarabout 13 years ago
Two parts

Desipte the tight formatting, I feel this poem have two distinct parts, the first eight lines with it's own prosody and focus, extremely delightful to read out loud.

And the rest with a bit more tug and pull both in rhythm, sound and content. I would maybe recommend that it was presented that way visually too. When I get there, I have to focus on parsing the text instead of experiencing the poem.

That being said, as a while still a loaded, tight and intense piece. Thumbs up.

Show More