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Click hereI can feel the scream rise in me like liquid fire.
Lodging in my throat, burning my esophagus as it tries to boil it’s way out.
But I swallow it down like bile.
I won’t give you the satisfaction of seeing me break.
Your words peck away at me like vicious birds.
Stealing away pieces of me
Widening the hole in my heart you started long ago.
I catch as many as I can, chew them up and spit them back at you.
Although I far surpass you with my linguistic prowess,
It is I who lay bleeding while you stand with barely a scratch.
The edges of my verbal projectiles blunted,
Eroded by the salty tears that slip between my lips.
While yours hit home with surgical precision,
Wickedly sharp with your cold indifference.
Filleting me.
Filled with fiery words that stir the emotions and create fast moving images. Very well done, I'll be looking for more of your works.
"Whole" was obviously an innocent mistake. But take note, people! America has a new, great poet. Nice! I can live the poem, see it, taste it, feel it. And the words are nice. It is coherent, lovely in the way it sounds, out-loud, well constructed, concise, makes me feel, and I could go on and on. T. S. Eliot, eat your heart out! (Oh well, I guess he can't, now.)
First, should whole be hole in the second stanza?
Second, I thought it was an interesting concept for a poem, but I think you've got too many words and they cloud the image you are trying to convey. I did enjoy it, though.