- Erotic Poetry
- Taken by you
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The message you first sent me
and the words you used to write
telling me how you'd bought a new belt
and how you'd use it on our first night
Telling how you'd bend me over
and make my ass red raw
fuck me hard all night long
and make me your little slutty whore
Such words at first i felt a fear
surely that belt is not for me?
But in my head you set off a spark
and filled me with desire and curiosity
So to you i gave myself over
into your hands i placed a trust
and that first time you pinned me down
i burned with a wanting and lust
Your filthy talk it gets me wet
with words i could fuck you all night
you made me ask and got me to beg
about me it seems all along you were right
With hands that slowly took my throat
my eyes close and im lost to you
that feeling of being taken, no control
maybe im subimissive through and through
And then you really take me
such sweet marks are left behind
take away everything and bind me
play master with my mind
Lollypop xxxx
- COMMENTS
erectus123about 11 years agoI guess you hang out in secret cells I never found, in any event well written moving saga demonstrating the opposite of the feminist revolution. Technically, if I might suggest:
i felt a fear = might be "gave me a fear"
also, too many "and" that could be cut
burned with a wanting and lust= drop "and" here for matching cadence and effect
So to you i gave myself over = this line is awkward
Your filthy talk it gets me wet ="all" wet gives you cadence
also I love the small "i" and perhaps it is the true sub in you, or whoever is in you who dictates, but since e.e. commings (c.1930 although the glorious fucker seemed to live forever, it is a little out of date, but if you are happy go with it0 take a look at his Buffalo Bill poem tha ends with the line,
"he was a handsome man
and what i want to know is
how do you like your blueeyed boy
Mister Death
- See more at: http://www.poets.org/viewmedia.php/prmMID/15399#sthash.iZ0Br9jy.dpuf
Quivering_Quillabout 11 years agoIf you don't mind, it really doesn't mater..... Nicely written and appreciated. Thanks for sharing.
