Tàmhas Faolán and Findabhair Eavan

Their hearts beating rapidly, fluttering inside me,
their limbs embracing, intertwining--his around she,
growing fast and safe in their little pool.
I dreamed of later days, their starting school...

He would have had blond hair and hazel eyes,
while she'd have the blue of the midsummer skies.
He would have been studious and shy,
while she quite adventurous and sly.

An opposite of each other in every way,
He'd read quietly while she ran to play.

She'd come calling for a helping hand,
when she found the tree she climbed too high,
while he would want to join the band,
and compose arias that would make the devil sigh.

Tiny little heartbeats deep down inside,
I'm overcome with a happiness I can't hide.

Fluttery little butterfly heartbeats,
and tiny little microscopic feets,
twins on the way but never to be born,
their lives ended by their father's scorn.

Findabhair would have been a lovely girl
with a twinkle in her eye,
Tàmhas a charming gallant knight,
with a wit that's quite sly.

I never got a chance to meet these little ones,
but for ten long weeks I cherished them close.
Ripped away in a fit of painful cramping,
now it seems as one horribly cruel joke.

So I mourn my loss and can't find a way
to memorialize the tiny little eggs,
that slipped away so crushingly
after barely forming their legs.

I name them and I dress them up,
I beg them to be gentle and good.
I smile sweetly and give hugs,
and I feel so very misunderstood.

I tried to tell a friend my fantasy,
my little way of dealing with the loss.
He looked at me as if I'd gone crazy,
and said, "Therapy? It costs!"

So now I keep it quiet, mention them no more,
while inside my heart is cold and fragmented
knowing that if hold onto this sweet fantasy
my mind will become delusional and stinted.

so I say goodbye my sweet unborn angel babes,
Tàmhas Faolán and Findabhair Eavan,
even in memory you must leave this earth,
I pray that I see you again one day in heaven.

So hold tight my dears to one another while there,
and know mommy can't be with you right now.
I may not be strong enough to even think of you,
but you'll always be a part of me anyhow.