Technicolor Canticle Rant

Technicolor Canticle Rant
(or 50 years of disillusionment)

               - To the memory of Elmer Gantry,
               and the Swaggart, Jones & Baker boys.

Attention, worshippers!

Did you hear there’s a technicolor preacher
spreading rumors of an afterlife?
I’ve put up a stand across the street,
sanctioned by the DAR,
and the sign says:

Buy God for Two Bits
(this week only).

My custom-tailored barker suit
pinches at the elbows,
as I begin to work the crowd,
but Blessed Job was tested, too.

My morning DJ voice thickens,
honey sweet and syrup slick:
Drop your pennies in the chokin…
they’re the monogrammed collection plates,
with my initials in 24carat
New Testament script.

God has promised me cigars
and starched collars
and an El Dorado
to drive backwards to Glory.
InRi on the crucifix cleverly replaced
with a neon “Thank you!”

My transistor Bible radios
are discounted two bucks,
(batteries not included)…
and the Blessed Virgin, with peeing Christ child
(made of durable Hong Kong plastic)
is just $29.95.

It’s redemption time!

We have pieces of the Robe
available in assorted, designer colors
ready to be drop-shipped
to your living room,
(COD of course).

Crucifixions are down,
and headline in the paper
this morning said:
“Bible burning’s dead”.

So, brothers and sisters,
get out there and sell…

…‘cause He’s gonna call me home.