- Erotic Poetry
- The Courtesan
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Old and young smile, and frequently say
Her age and experience hold reign and sway,
She lends her skin to those passing by,
And her grace surely goes a long way.
Bowing her head, she murmurs, sweet-voiced,
Soothing the need of all who will pay.
With little remorse, offers simple recourse,
Her forgiveness inducement to stay.
For relief she grants men a drink and a touch.
Appeasement, indignity, wounded pride,
The sorrows divested, where do they go
Once shed and pushed to the side?
She wastes not a tear, nor the drop of liqueur
That falls near the glass, on the table, aside.
She sucks it all in, swallows all with a moan
That escapes when the juices let fly.
The many who leave heavy hearts at her door,
To sad, lonely nights fallen prey,
Trade guilt and some dollars, less than you’d think,
And float so much lighter away.
- COMMENTS
meop79almost 9 years agoPlus, it just seems to lack a hook or emotional driver...
AlwaysHungryabout 9 years agoI'm glad that you're working with rhyme and meter. The "stream of consciousness" approach that many resort to strikes me as just sentimental wanking. Rhyme and meter make it musical, and the musicality enriches the content -- I think it somehow compels you to refine your ideas. I think it would be a good challenge to write something that is completely strict -- force yourself to stick to a rhyme and metric scheme. Of course, we are writing smut here, so you might say, why bother. But you do have a guaranteed audience at Literotica if you are writing smut.
todski28over 9 years agoA little disjointed in your rhyme structure and the rhythm is off. I personally think you could drop the capitals as they place unnecessary pauses based on grammatical teachings, if you en jamb the line
so the sentence runs together it
tends to read
Smother than if
You have capital letters
Starting each new line.
I don't mind the near rhymes I.e. aside and fly but some of your sentences don't gel well.
Overall a decent effort but could use some fine tuning thanks for posting in p.f. and d
