The Day My Pussy Fell Off

I woke with a start
Regret in my heart
For the loser I bedded last night.
He snored like a hog
And slept like a log
I grabbed shoes, clothes and purse and took flight.

Drove home in a haze
Dark streets like a maze
Burps smelling of beer, cigs and jism.
My hair was a mess
My mind in distress
Why’d I fuck’m? Let alone kiss’m?

That guy was a bum,
His dick like a thumb,
All ugly and buck toothed and homely.
But too many beers
Had made him appear
A cure against going home lonely.

I got in the shower
And stayed near an hour
To scrape ‘way the filth and the dread.
No matter how hot
The water would not
Pry the memory out of my head

While brushing my hair
A twitching ‘down there’
Had me won’dring what else I brought back
The clap, I first thought?
Oh, what have I wrought?
But what happened was stranger than that!

It fell with a plop,
My left foot atop,
And it didn’t come out of my purse.
My dear bearded clam
Was out on the lam
And let fly with a shout and a curse.

“What the hells wrong with you?
You’re a slut and its true
That you’re treating me like a cum bucket!
So what is your plan?
Just any old man
With pulse and a cock and you’ll fuck it?”

“That’s bullshit! I’m through!
No playtime for you!
I’m on the next train out of town!
Lets see how much fun
You have now, hun,
With nothing on which to go down!”

No No! Please don’t go!
Oh how could I know?
That you’d leave me like this all alone?
I’ll do what you say
Your price I will pay!
Just come back and let me atone!

“Now listen up miss,
I’m damn sick of this!
I’m tired of this lack of good action!
I need a fat cock
That’s hard as a rock
And won’t quit ‘til I get satisfaction!”

“No minute-men, please,
Don’t get on your knees
For some pencil-dick hair-trigger jerk!
I need a real stud
No wet-noodle dud;
A real man who’ll get down to work!”

Well what about Rick?
He had a nice dick
And was built like a Greek god of yore.
“That rude, nasty perv?
The guy had the nerve
To push that thing through the back door!”

Well, then there was Glenn
And his pals Tom and Ben
They lined up and plowed you real nice!
“Three years ago, honey!
It’s true but not funny;
Those losers were all hung like mice!”

OK, there was Kyle,
His cock half a mile,
I swear he was poking my lung!
“Though his cock was big,
The guy was a pig.
Ugly’s ugly, no matter how hung.”

Well, what can I do?
What spell should I brew
To get you a suitable prick?
I won’t throw it out
To any old lout
With a heartbeat, two balls and a dick!

“Don’t insult me, girl!
I don’t want some churl,
Don’t want something dirty and cheap!
You’ve got a great body,
A right little hottie,
Your legs, tits and ass make men leap.”

“Try Steve at the gym,
Real nice ass on him!
Go try out your feminine wiles.
He’s strong and he’s tough,
He’s cute and he’s buff,
I bet he’d do me right, and with style!”

“Or call up old Bob!
So yeah, he’s a slob,
But his cock is as big as they come.
You screwed up, you know,
By letting him go,
You’re blonde, but don’t HAVE to be dumb!”

Bob was a good guy,
But his place was a sty,
I couldn’t stand living in dirt!
“So teach him to clean!
Be nice, don’t demean,
And then let him into your skirt!”

“Just get a real date!
And don’t make me wait,
You must act while you still have the chance!
Land me a pecker,
A real pussy wrecker,
And I swear I will make that thing dance!”

You got it, my dear!
Have faith and no fear,
Your needs will quite soon be fulfilled.
I’ll do what it takes,
And no more mistakes,
When you see the next one you’ll be thrilled!

I snatched up my snatch,
And rinsed her off, natch,
And slid her right back into place.
My lady parts whole,
My body and soul
Were prepared to get back in the race

“One word of advice,
It sure would be nice,
If you’d quit letting guys in your ass.
She’s tired of that sin
And she’s looking in
To a hemorrhoid to get you to pass!”