- Non-Erotic Poetry
- The Disappearance
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Click heretwo decades ago,
I would wake in the night with his legs over mine
and he would bring me Turkish delight.
then we detonated; but we didn’t ‘end’
we’d still meet up, catch up, gossip
but suddenly, a month ago, he was gone
and I don’t love him
but I do wonder.
- COMMENTS
Liarabout 13 years agoI was delighted (regular, not Turkish) after the third line, and thought I had an interrsting read ahead of me. A perfect detail to highlight a highlight of a relationship. The epitome of showing istead of telling.
then the poem detonated; but it didn't 'end'
sorry, had to ;)
Seriously though, the rest reads like a journal entry, or a grocery list. Telling, not showing, and not letting me the reader in. A real missed opportunity with that great start.
twelveooneabout 13 years agolittle more flesh on the bones, little more mystery, something...too pat.
100 BTW
