- Non-Erotic Poetry
- The Epistle to St. butters
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Were I under the duvet with thee,
my love,
the dustbin could overflow with culled love poems,
a tear for each one discarded in order
to see the next from she
that covers a heart in honey, licks it clean
performs dainty pleased ablution's
pours again, and suddenly
a duvet's too warm
- COMMENTS
Tsothaalmost 10 years agoHarry, I like this poem and I think there is a gem here waiting to be lapidated. I agree with 12 about the enjambments — and maybe it's just me, you know? But in my opinion, there are words to be cut, and line breaks to rethink, that would make this an even better poem.
A quick hack job, just something to consider (disregard if inappropriate):
Were I under the duvet with thee,
my love, the dustbin could overflow
with culled love poems, a tear for each
discarded in order to see the next
from she that covers a heart in honey
licks it clean, dainty pleased ablutions
pours again, and suddenly
a duvet's too warm
5ed, of course.
buttersabout 10 years agoand didn't know you'd posted this either. x
you and your apostrophes, man - ablution's = ablutions
we're gonna have to work on that, but this is all to cover my pink face at reading this.
Ashesh9about 10 years agoHarry & the Saint U-know-who !! a real emoticon , Harry ---5-ed , of course .
twelveooneabout 10 years agothe line breaks - tension from enjambment
the dustbin would overflow (I changed)
with culled love poems,
a tear for each one
discarded in order...
this line bothers me
that covers a heart in honey, licks it clean
a heart in honey, licked clean?
5
