The GPS (a Tavvy tale)

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todski28
todski28
19 Followers

The GPS (a tavvy tale)

Let me start this by stating this thing
As a precursor, so you know why our bells I do ring
So you know how dangerous the place we were at
It's normally one bouncer per hundred, the legal minimum stat
The Tavvy had a capacity of three hundred, women or men
We had seven bouncers on Friday night contracted by pen
That's more than twice the limit a club should need
If there were less, more people would get hurt, injured or bleed
Now that you know the brevity of our situation
Let us continue my rhyming vocation
If you were thinking that jim is a little odd
We now introduce, GPS oh God!
His first night he was a full hour late
We got a phone call from our new guard which was great

He was here, in the conversation he did say
We were keen to assess his worth for the day
We were looking about to meet our new guard
Looked through the car park and the courtyard
He rang us again saying, "where are you?"
Bonny replied, "out the front, where you should be to,
Bonny again "ok, ok where are you at?"
Gps, "I'm at the clarendon" (the stupid twat)

The Clarendon was an hour drive from where we were
This piece of information caused our humour to stir
Laughing and joking about this special guard
How great it would be to work with this re-tard
We dubbed him the gps right there on the spot
For the Tavvy is by the sea and the Clarendon is not
He later earned some other titles and once nick named
Target by a police officer, for being punched in the face he was famed

Bonny, Jim and I got back to our bouncerly job,
Ejecting drunken fools who act like a nob
An hour past due the man did arrive
With a smile and a grin he tried to hi-5
A stony, confused kind of look I did give
This stocky man was odd, and I thought a shit sieve
But this odd little fellow, would become a regular dude
He was short, he was quirky and rather lude

We have a taped audio conversation
Where he talks of missing the pink hole and hitting her libation
By libation I mean anus, just to spell it out
He spoke rather loudly, bordering a shout
This conversation he had when the line-up was long
talking whilst checking bags, his timing totally wrong
The women looked at him with open disgust
I couldn't contain my laughter I thought I would bust.
A strange new addition to make a Tavvy quartet
Now that you know them to our adventures I'll get

todski28
todski28
19 Followers
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Lexiloo571Lexiloo571over 3 years ago

Always good to know