- Non-Erotic Poetry
- The Last Griz~
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Cascading mountains and cold crisp wind
a twig 'snaps' and falls, signifies the fallen
silent landing in the plush white snow
Nature living within the boundries of a barb wire fence row
Silvertips, a grizzled grey over bronze muscles broad
soft fur sways like waves of grains in their pods
projecting a future of more to come
but for now there is one Griz~ on the run.
Hot breath steams ahead of its snow trailing tracks
pawing up snow as each foot steps and packs
Panting lightly in a steady run
a grizzly one step ahead of the hunters gun
The babbling brook trickles along the hills of white
a nomadic kings choice of grounds to stand and fight
lapping a quick drink while watching the hill's rise
over the crest came two men running with wild eyes
The Griz stood tall and bellowed a roar
a shot rang out and metal soared
The king fell to his knees bellowing this day
scratching and clawing every inch of the way
Pack mules packed with meat and hide
the carcus is left for the wolves to stay behind
as they leave a trail from the red covered snow
Where 'No Hunting' is allowed and the Grizzly once roamed
- COMMENTS
ishtatover 18 years agoThis poem works very well for the first few stanzas but then was ambushed by a cliche - the "babbling brook", somehow the remainder seemed less effective. I am not too keen on the Griz abbreviation .It doesn't seem respectful to such a creature.
WickedEveover 18 years agoI like the first 3 stanzas. I don't really like "Griz." And why is it Griz~ in one stanza and just Griz in the next? I'm torn between a 3 and 4 vote, but since you probably find 3 votes worthless, I'll just give it a 4.
Anonymousover 18 years agosomething but hey, I go my own way anyway with what I do. I liked it, very descriptive and inventive.
Anonymousover 18 years agoI used my valuable time and read this poem-- andleft a comment on this poem! It was honest-- thoughtful-- gave things I thought to be strengths and gave a few simple suggestions, things to think about. What gives MET? You say don't leave a vote without a comment but anything beyond "You are a genius" gets deleted? I gave it a four and everything! That is the last comment I leave on your poem. Don't ever bitch about people who leave votes without commenting.
annaswirls
Anonymousover 18 years agowhen I see you being such a shit to other people who post here.
Although you've never made any comment to me personally, I would think about how you treat others in the future. Or turn the voting off. It's too tempting to give you a zero just for being the prick you are.
