The Law Can't Touch Me At All

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susansnow
susansnow
42 Followers

I’ve seen it before: cheap wine thrust from shelves two fisted in drunken desperation. panties in trees stoned contempt wedding photos. You and me we behaved like desperadoes not oblivious to the familiar who knew the pieces weren't supposed to fit clearly two different puzzles. Watched us and whispered. Had we consummated you’d be just like the rest: long letters to me from a distance feelin' like free soda from a storefront machine. Or a tickled out quarter from a pay phone coin return slot.

susansnow
susansnow
42 Followers
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CleardaynowCleardaynowabout 10 years ago
I like parts of this

As with many of your poems, I really like the end three lines of your poem. The phrase ‘Watched us and whispered’ is very strong – whether or not it relates to the sentences before or after or neither does not seem too important. The last sentence is beautiful with really lovely strong metaphors strung together coherently. I like the title & the initial ‘I have seen it all before’ is very powerful

I like the next three lines much less. From panties to puzzles, it actually seems somewhat awkwardly written and that detracts from potentially powerful phrases. There seems little coherence even within the sentences. For near random words put together to have impact on the reader the writer has to be either very good indeed or very lucky – and those sentences seem to veer in that direction.

All just my opinion based on how the poem strikes me. Of course.

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