- Non-Erotic Poetry
- The Magic I Need
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This is the beloved
simplicity of days with
early, green grass growing
out of the brown of winter dead,
and the buds of the crabapple
still tight on the limbs,
lime green moss in the shade,
and the sky now bluer
for all the gray it was,
but it fails to give of itself
the magic I need.
My tongue shrivels in a drought,
my hands cannot hold my cup,
and my head melts from the pain -
until I close my eyes,
tune out the gentle lush spring,
to feel him feel me,
and hear him hear me.
Then I can open my eyes,
to take in the singing birds,
or watch the flight of leaves
in the most wonderful breeze,
now that I have been
intoxicated by more than
the solid world around me.
- COMMENTS
Tathagataabout 20 years agoNice imagery
and no, spring doesn't alaways bring magic
but it does make you think..and that will make you write
: )
Thank you
YDDabout 20 years agoOr you could stick the "with" between "early" and "green" and alter the meaning a tad.
Good imagery in any event, very readable and enjoyable.
jthserraabout 20 years agoof perception. An interesting look at the beauty of spring and the obsession of love. Life is so much more stunning when the heart is full.
The structure of the poem works well, but at the beginning, I think you might consider dropping the word "with" at the end of line 2. Typically you want to avoid breaking a line on a preposition:
"This is the beloved
simplicity of days with
early, green grass growing
out of the brown of winter dead,"
If you slightly altered lines 2 and 3 I think it would read slightly better...
"This is the beloved
simplicity of days
early, green grass grows
out of the brown of winter dead,"
Read it outloud, and see how it sounds. Otherwise the poem resounded so true. Well done.
jim : )
