The Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas in the old stately hall
The staff and employers were having a ball
Everyone in the household joined in celebrations
Of the latest idea of employee relations

The master had the chambermaid under the trees
With her skirt round her waist and her pants round her knees
In the kitchen the cook was bent down by the oven
With the squire’s son behind her straining and shoving

Over the garage in the quiet of his room
The chauffeur was filling his mistress’s womb
And with eight female deer all tied to the sled
It was more than old Rudolph’s nose that was red

Across the yard in the dark of the stable
The groom had the gardener over a table
They both celebrated in their own special way
There was no need for women because they were gay

The eager young pantry maid wandered about
Making sure that she wasn’t the one to miss out
She dallied a while in each room in the hall
Determined to be the good time had by all

The daughter of the house was stretched out on her bed
And between her plump thighs was the fat guy in red
She smiled with delight as she wriggled her bum
This year Old Santa would definitely come