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Click hereOver barbed wire
thru biting blackberry brush
we rush
to our private playground
First to the point
a 30 foot plunge into the shimmering aquamarine below
the braver drop 40 and head first
breaking the sun warmed surface
driving in to the chilled depths
surfacing invigorated and alive
Next to the beach
reached by scaling sheer rock faced walls
a hundred foot drop
don’t look down
steady hands, sure feet
you need large stones to make it
Shaved gray granite tables
await at the beach
spreading ourselves upon them
we serve ourselves to the rays
naked as jaybirds
and twice as boisterous
An occasional dip to refresh
perhaps a trip to the other side
100 yards and out
scurry up the slope to Odin’s den
burrowed into the side
they say gay guys bring young boys here
“hey, I’m a young guy”
urban legend or
truth stranger than fiction
never found out
didn’t want to
Living myths
Making memories
Days of exploration and daring do
friends fun and sun
Enough
to last a lifetime
I think this stanza puts a bump in the poetic road:
they say gay guys bring young boys here
?hey, I?m a young guy?
urban legend or
truth stranger than fiction
never found out
didn?t want to
It's going pretty smooth until I get to the above stanza that seems to have an "added in" feel when reading it. I've written poems about places and events very familiar to me and I want to tell it all. But when I reread the poem, I realize that to make it better I need to cut away some of the excess.
....this is excellent. I agree with Ang...one more run through and edit to smooth would have helped, but the images and phrasings are strong.
I think it could use some editing, there are some parts that seem more about explaining than purely poetic to my ear, but don't get me wrong--I think the poem is really really good. It has such sense of place, and envisioning that day with your words paints a picture of paradise. :)