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Click hereBeating back laughter and happiness
Over torn bread
Dull thunks of meat
The jolly butcher pounds
his lump of flesh
jawbone at an obscure angle
Mummy normally looks pretty in red
an organic bib blooming,
growing larger by the second
Mushmouthed words
I ove ou oys e stong
(I love you boys be strong)
thunk, thunk, thunk
The hammering continues,
Jolly butcher smiles
mummy looks like Quasimodo
The butcher asks, maniacally
"choose your cut of lamb, madam'e?"
Screams of you bastard sound more like
Oo astard
A final thunk, mummy goes to sleep
The butcher continues talking
In
Punctuated
Psychobabble
To his cowering meat
"Be happy coz the best cuts are well beaten
and pounded"
He looks down on my brother and I,
both small tender cuts of lamb
and says simply
"I do it coz I love you.
Which one is next?
Hurry on I have a lot of work to do today
gotta tenderize that meat"
as butters suggested, however it went of into the realms of truly macarbe and I doubt that it would have been accepted as I had changed it to. because it was so personal I had a lot of trouble trying to edit it down, I sat on it for a couple of days but just couldn't touch it. it seemed complete to me. Please do no take that as indicative to me no listening to critique, but more that I didn't know what else to do with this poem
and I think the addition of "psychobabble" does help clarify for me what is happening in the poem. I might have taken some poetic license and written it as "psycho babble" with that space there to make the point even stronger, but that's a matter of preference, perhaps.
It's pretty shocking stuff, almost too shocking to read, but in a poem that's a very good thing imo.
I'm still unclear on the title and I think that's the only weak link in the poem. The title doesn't say anything meaningful to me about what follows.
Just my opinion, of course, and like I said you are a natural!
for vegetarian diet
very well done ! you have a great talent for perspective