The Snake Eats Her Own Tail

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sonya, sitting with you in the dark was so natural to me.
us on the floor my legs wrapped around your thighs from behind-
me reaching under your arms, my nose and mouth on your back-
cupping each tit with a hand, hearing you sigh out of guilty pleasure.

i remember guiding you through the dark with my fingers and hands-
your back arching against my mouth's first touch of your ripe, yet unused cunt-
'i've never been with a woman' you squeeked, as if i would somehow let you go.
and i replied 'you're with one now, sonya.'
and you moaned and smiled, closing your eyes as if to say 'heal me, then.'

my old house creaking with its hardwood floor anxiety and stress-
huge oak trees dancing like phantoms across the window outside-
our small girl bodies alone, our bare asses cold against the wood planks
[these things i saw through your thighs when i would check to see your expressions]

your full reddish bottom lip trembled as i traced circles with my tongue-
around your navel, your nipples, your neck, your clit-
that high pitched sound escaping your vocal cords, the death of my power-
i believe this is the first time i ever melted...completely.

many baths and fucks and fights later-
we sat laughing at the kitchen table with Frank Black singing-
'hips like cinderella' and we sang along, loudly, annoying our guests.
we lived there, in our own world for a long time until you killed it-
fucking todd, my eyes burning watching your legs in the air- you giggling
like we used to...watching you from the crack in the door- both of you in my bed

and this is when i suddenly started listening to nine inch nails
and rubbing my eyes raw with tear-stained fingertips, more dead than high-
injecting your lies into my arms repeatedly, screwing fat men for more-
just to match the high i felt in wrapped in your black hair.

you sick bitch, how you came around trying to make things right again-
excusing your actions like some childhood 'doctor play'
with a boy who had a better stethoscope than i did, crying 'i want you back' songs
and advising me on my use of hard drugs as if you weren't the cause of it...
then when you wanted the dishes back -you cunt- you took everything i nibbled on.

some women i make lesbians, spoiling them against men forever...
and some, i seem to kill, turning them to christianity, or voodoo or disgust for me-
so now i am just another 'pig' misogynist who wants to watch her shake and cum
and go back to my life, leaving every girl a crying pile of flesh.
yet i don't fool myself -i still want that girl to make me beg and die a little inside-
a girl who can pick-axe through my frozen heart and tell me beautiful lies.

like you, my cinderella.

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