The Sons of Onan

THE SONS OF ONAN

by The DurtGurl Group

A long time ago in days of Old,
A man named Onan had the randiest pole,
God said, "Son this is a great occasion,
I want you to beget me a numerous nation."

Onan said "Oh, God, I can hardly wait,
This means that I'll get to fornicate!"
Onan thanked God, and his thanks were heart sent,
But God was backlogged in the babe department

So Onan just waited with his candle lit,
God said, "Son, you'll have to wait a bit."
"But I'm all dressed up with no place to go,
I'm charged like a cannon and ready to blow!"

God said to Onan, "Too bad. None the less,
Put that thing away before you make a mess!"
But Onan got impatient just waiting for a girl,
Took matters into his own hands and skinned the squirrel.

Onan was a bonin' his trusty right hand,
Spewed his sperms in the desert sands,
God said "Onan, you're a big disgrace!
Who do you expect to clean up this place?"

"If you just couldn't wait, you know you oughter,
Been like Noah and fucked your own daughter.
Now I took Noah and I made him blest,
Cause despite of what they say, I love incest!"

We're the Sons of Onan, the Sons of Onan,
You'll never hear us moanin' and groanin',
We don't need women or even sheep,
Faith and trust in our hands we keep.

Don't care if you're spic, wop, Jew, or hunkey,
You can join our throng if you spank the monkey,
Members may be skinny, fat, or just hefty,
You can even join up if you're a lefty.

We have good fellowship, here in the club,
We have one thing in common, we rub the stub,
That's the mutual bond we have between us,
Each enjoys strokin' his own glans penis.

Don't care if your name's Claude, Vito, or Earl,
You're okay with us, long as you ain't a girl,
Even a man with no hands don't need to admit defeat,
A Son of Onan can always find a way to beat his meat.

We think that God has given us the right,
To jack ourselves off both day and night,
So become a member, get on our mailing list,
All you gotta do is be in love with your fist.

Gophers can be choked in many positions,
Even at the movies during interissions,
Although if you're out with a girl on a date,
Please go to the restroom to masturbate.

We must give thanks to the Lord above,
For sending down from heaven a velvet glove,
Wear it whether you're a bum or even a yuppie,
It makes your hand warm and soft as a basset puppy..

It doesn't matter what time of day,
As long as we meet and with our hands lay,
We talk of self satisfaction in a circle we stand,
Whilst pulling our poles thus milking our gland.

We have our clubhouse, it's out in the woods,
Where we all get together for pulling on our puds,
It's great, at the end of a hard day at work,
To meet and have a brotherhood circle jerk.

We organise outings, just last month we each,
Proudly took our John Thomases down to the beach
Where we put our hands upon our weenies,
And got inspiration from babes in bikinis.

We've taken our hobby quite to the extreme,
And formed a competitive club wanking team,
We have a help line for he who masturbates,
And we give demonstrations for galas and fetes.

We take supplements to stay lively and spunky,
We write textbooks about spanking the monkey,
We've set up a website for handheld relievement,
And have special awards for onanistic achievement.

We regularly meet with our boxes of tissues,
And earnestly discuss masturbatory issues,
At the end of our meetings, we offer up a prayer,
And whack our weenies off into the air.

We beat off in math class while using a protractor,
We do it out on the farm while sitting on a tractor,
We pull the pud at breakfast, sometimes during lunch,
It makes us a strong and healthy bunch.

Some folks maintain that we're stupid and silly,
They don't understand why we whip the willie,
But you'll never hear us pissin' and moanin'
United we stand, we're the proud Sons of Onan.

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Special thanks to the Group's resident experts on the subject:
Dr Mabeuse and Gabriel Lee