this gardener's path

This time has been painful but i see
that i need to continue this work on me
counselling and therapy and learning about myself
i have to do this before i just meld
into another man that fills me with love
because the love i need is the love from myself

i cannot fathom the time this will take
to figure myself out but myself i must make
a whole person that can stand on her two feet alone
without relying on another to make herself whole..

i've been wrapped around the men that have came into my life
taking all their energy to make me feel right
and that is the wrong that i must fix
before i take the energy he so readily gives

because a person can live like that for awhile
but when their energy is gone then begins the trial
the love that at first felt so right
comes to an end like a thief in the night

as i sit here and reflect on what i have done
the love that You brought the light that You've shown
i see the direction in front of me
this path i must make on my own two feet

if i continue the way it is and just go on with my life
the life that i know will be lived out in strife
i will always be looking for the emptiness inside
to be filled by someone else, a love from outside
i have to find the strength to take the first step
but i fear it will be taken with tears of regret
i don't know if i can handle the tears it may cause
my choosing a path where they pay the cost
i don't want to hurt the one's that i love
but it seems this path was revealed from above

to be continued...

*this was revealed in the beginning of my relationship w/ my Olive Tree.... i was realizing that i was not being true to my heart in regards to my marriage; the reason for my infidelity; the reason i was seeking intimacy beyond the confines of my committment.... it was a realization that took me a good while to actualize...approximately 6 months at least*