- Non-Erotic Poetry
- To My Inconstant Love
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Click hereSome days, I wonder where you are.
This is not need, or not much need,
as I don't have to know.
I'm merely curious, the way
a heifer wonders where her feed
comes from. That it is there is quite enough.
- COMMENTS
unpredictablebijoualmost 16 years agoand I can see how she comes to the conclusion that the last line is wordy, but to me, this was what made it effective. The phrasing is awkward in a sense, but it has to be, to make me slow down and listen to it, to pay attention to the final point. If you did choose to edit that line, (and you should always listen to Angeline over me) it should still strive to be something that slows down the eye and the voice to an equal extent.
Angelinealmost 16 years agobetween the two strophes. And I'm not sure how either of us would know what a heifer thinks, but I understood exactly what you mean. I think there's some extra verbiage in that last line that you could edit out. Just my opinion, of course, and overall the poem is good (because you're very good at this poetry thing!).
Your poem has been recommended in the New Poems Reviews thread on Literotica's Poetry Feedback and Discussion forum. Thanks for the read!
