- Erotic Poetry
- Tonight I'm Sarcastic
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Click hereAs my eyes scantily sin,
her brow sensually furrows,
while it's her pale skin,
I'd like to know again;
but the bronze is spitely there,
and it's mucking up her saintly hue,
still, I'll apologize, 'though scandalously,
because tonight I'm sooo
sarcastic.
put yer grievance into baby lullaby...
Undo the lettuce leaves from their heart,
and their heart will again bloom,
while my heart will remain wrapped and worn,
and no longer will it be made wholly undone!
iii.
Before me, she blooms
once a lifetime;
such a mind, that had I her brain
I'd never hide behind
obscure metaphor or odd rhyme,
and with ease, I'd be
the man I am--or for her
the boy I ought to be.
- COMMENTS
annaswirlsabout 15 years agoThis:
"she blooms
once a lifetime;
such a mind, that had I her brain
I'd never hide behind
obscure metaphor or odd rhyme,
and with ease, I'd be
the man I am--or for her
the boy I ought to be."
Is genius
Bill Dadaalmost 17 years agoLove your playfulness. This poem is full of great little bits like 'made wholly undone.'
normal jeanalmost 17 years agoanother one from you to love.
There are a few spots it could be tweaked, a couple of "extra" words, but all in all, you have a good thing going, Epmd.
a suggestion, the use of "........" is like a stutter, very unneeded, and distracting in your poetry, you would be good to use them sparingly, or never. :)
also, the line that reads, "put yer..."
I understand, I think, why you used them there, but you can use Italics in place of that and italicizing that line would work here, you dont need a text editor, and I tried to show you how to do it here, but the format disappears so I cannot shwo you here, lol.. use these < > and lowercased i.
I feel so lucky to come across your work, that makes me feel something inside and causes me to smile without fail.
good work!
julie
Angelinealmost 17 years agonot sure about the numbering and I'd not repeat "heart" so much at the end of the first strophe, but it's a nitpick--this is really good. Recommended in today's new poems reviews in the poetry feedback and discussion forum.
Anonymousalmost 17 years agoI like the word play in this quirky bit of work. It has s lyrical quality to it too. Nice, thank you.
