'Twas The Night After Christmasbytheoncomingstorm©
'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the house
There were piles of wrapping and a ripped up stuffed mouse.
The stockings were strewn round the house with no care,
And the stuffers that filled them could be found nowhere.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
After crashing from the sugar high that still buzzed their heads.
And Ma in her t-shirt and I in my shorts,
I was finally getting a rest of some sort.
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
I was still a bit drunk so that was kind of rash
But I managed to avoid throwing up on the sash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the luster of mid-day to the objects below.
I could see very clearly that I must have goofed.
My huge decorations just fell from the roof.
My sleigh and poor Santa, that plump jolly lad,
Had fallen the hardest and looked pretty bad.
Some reindeer were crushed in a frightening pose,
Poor Rudolph was hanging by his glowing nose.
There's Dasher and Dancer! There's Prancer and Vixen.
I couldn't find Comet and just part of Blitzen.
From the top of the porch to the top of the wall,
the whole thing was ruined in that late night fall.
I went back inside with my spirits quite low.
How would I clean that mess out in the snow?
I went to the kitchen for one more late snack
And stepped on a Lego which broke with a crack.
I swore just as quietly as I could stand,
Then slipped on some gift bags and fell on my hand.
The house was so filled with St. Nicholas' loot
That I kept on finding small toys with my foot.
I tried holding on to the hearth for some help
But I slipped on some wrapping and gave a small yelp
I fell right on top of our old yule time log
Which right away rose up a sooty black fog.
My eyes were quite foggy, my cheeks red as roses
My nostrils were both, from the soot, just like hoses.
My mouth was pulled back in a grimace of pain
As Christmas was quickly becoming my bane.
I finally made my way towards some food
But I no longer thought it would improve my mood.
I looked in the fridge for some food for my belly
But nothing was there, just a old jar of jelly.
We'd eaten it all in our huge Christmas meal,
So nothing was left, not even orange peel.
But suddenly I found a cookie half munched
That I gobbled up quickly with only one crunch.
Unfortunately there is a reason that it
Wasn't finished because it sure tasted like...well, it didn't taste good.
I spit it out quickly into our large sink
Which was full and was kind of beginning to stink.
"That's it!" I declared for I knew I was through!
No more Christmas! Right there I'd convert to a Jew.
No more presents or wrapping or ornamets, no!
No more gift bags or yule logs! No ribbons, no bow!
But just as my tantrum was reaching a peak
and anger was flushing my soot-covered cheek
my daughter walked into the room with a grin.
"I heard a noise, maybe Santa again?"
I looked at her eyes which were happy and bright
even though half asleep, and the room was too light.
She snuggled against me, her arms held aloft,
She said, "I love Christmas!" and giggled so soft.
I kissed her and told her to go back upstairs.
She got up and carried her brand-new stuffed bears.
I watched her and knew it would all be okay
And I couldn't wait for the next Christmas day.