- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Victor
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Click hereI stride abroad the victor
But how curious that
Where I am left to live
Chalky skeletons
Greet me on each dreary morn
And rattle bowing to me their master
And smells of fires and disease
Make labored each
Ever sicker breath I take
Now I make the laws
And write them in the dust
- COMMENTS
jthserraabout 20 years agobut I needed some punctuation or something to help me through this one. I think I figured it out after about 4 reads, but wow, I wanted to add some commas there. I think this is an interesting look at conquering some skeletons within you here... victorious, and yet they still hang around some... nice work.
jim : )
Liarabout 20 years agoand your language flows very nicely along with an interresting haunting imagery.
One siggection though: You start every ned line with a capital letter, even though you're in the middle of snetences. It might look nice, but it's a bit confusing, and makes me pause my reading at very odd places.
