- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Walking Emily across campus at UCLA
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Click here how a crouched cat eyes
new fledged robins from its lair
is how young men track
my daughter's walk
across the square
and there a mother's other pain—
I am no longer the choice prey
- COMMENTS
KOLKOREover 16 years agoAs said, mature poetry - simple relective, humorous, economical - what a delight!
Anonymousover 18 years agoI got a bit thrown by your line breaks, I think it was the line breaks--
how a crouched cat eyes <--read to me like eyes as a noun not a verb...because it is separated from the rest of the action... does this make sense? I am no expert, and this is just one reading, and I know you know what you are doing but you might consider:
how a crouched cat
eyes new fledged robins from its lair
is how young men track
my daughter's walk
across the square
and there a mother's other pain—
I am no longer the choice prey
or maybe consider switching the S1 and S2, so the image of the young men tracking your daughter's walk. Maybe I just read it too quickly.
And I do not think anyone needs to come to Minervous rescue, we are cool and she knows I respect her writing and I am sure she is confident enough to take my suggestions....
:)
as
dcpoet44over 18 years agothe poem speaks for itself, and love the title......nicely done......don
Anonymousover 18 years agoA clever insight, well written. Thanks!
Suggestion: new-fledged (hyphen).
Fly
TheRainManover 18 years agoIt is very mature. And I do not refer to your stage in life, but rather your skill level. The poems you have posted show a high level of perception and talent, this one included.
