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Click herei. summer.
my heat is your heat is the heat
rising like a stubborn morning
fog from my curves are your lines
are the intangible borders that
make us a nation of two, of my mouth
tight on your slick skin as your moans
are my chills are the other sound
while the afternoon birds trill
ii. autumn.
you leave me to tingle, splayed on
the bed with the sharp breezes caressing
the close-cropped hairs, and I await
the decay of your patience with none
of my own; fall over me, suck the
breath from my eager lungs and take
your fill of kisses from my waiting lips
iii. winter.
we are the dark Heart of warmth
in a frigid room - Foreheads grinding
and Eyes unwavering - the ferocity of Bears
stirred from shivering slumber to Mate.
iv. spring.
I undulate into wakefulness, done playing at
death, ready for the stink of life; I toy
my nipples across your impossibly smooth
arms and let the imprecise wriggling of love
awaken you until you thrust your good morning beautiful
into my I love you handsome.
some nice lines,
" I toy
my nipples across your impossibly smooth
arms and let the imprecise wriggling of love
awaken you until you thrust"
excellent lead in, first three lines:
my heat is your heat is the heat
rising like a stubborn morning
fog from my curves are your lines
next two
are the intangible borders that
make us a nation of two,
are? also borders and nation don't do much in the context,
but you pick it up again, all in all, excellent, (in perspective, I am not a four seasons fan) A little clean up perhaps, adding at first glance the end looks dreadful, that is tricky, hope you get more comments. 5ed
ain't easy to write imho but you've accomplished it with a deft touch and an interesting approach (by seasons). I think you could lose some unnecessary words that aren't bringing anything to the poem and make it a stronger piece. Just my one opinion. Overall I really enjoyed reading it. 5ed.