What are you thinking?

"Tell me what you're thinking," my love asks me.

What am I thinking, I wonder to myself.
Is that what my love asked me?
Surely, that is not what has been whispered into my ear.
No, my love wishes for me to say what will alleviate his worries.
My love needs to hear what will quiet his fears.

"So tell me what will ease my mind," he should have said to me.
"Tell me what will make me sane.
Tell me these things regardless of your fears, your dreams, your pain."
Yes, these things I could believe.
Yes, those words I hear despite all others said.
Yes, these are the words I hear
deep within my busy head.

And what, I wonder, is it that I think?
I think my love has made some unholy pact with a wicked and unholy saint
to change the course of my life, my fate.

"It was not unholy," my love assures me.
"There was never any saint..."
He smiles lovingly for me to see.
"It was God, who I asked to alter fate."

"God?!" I ask him, hoping that my love has erred.
This cannot be true.
Why would my love do this to someone for whom he cared?

"Yes," my love responds proudly.
"I went to the source where there would be no objection.
I went to the being, who fathered the Resurrected.
Knowingly, I went over your head,
when I crept into your bed
and got you with child.
Even though, you had said
that you would not be ready
for some while.
Then again,
what does it matter?
Every day, you grow with child;
should you not be flattered?"

"No, I should not be flattered!" I say.
"How could you have done this to me?
Does it not matter what I think or feel?
Do you not care that I have dreams I've yet to see become real?
How dare you put me in a position to resent my child,
when you were the one, who knowingly disregarded all others.
I dare say, you disregarded no one more than your unborn child
and me, your wife and lover."

"You have misunderstood.
What I did was pure and good."
He looks as though he might cry.
I begin to look upon his tears and wonder why.

"I grow old,
my time on this world dwindles.
If I had waited,
our child might
not have been created.
Besides, this will hold you to me.
You are angry.
Yes, I know
but, in time these raging fires will slow.
I may have come close to pushing you too far
but, darling, love will heal all scars.
Not even the darkness that surrounds my every moment,
not even the clouds that drape overhead,
or even the wars that I have battling within
my head,
could cause you to turn your back on your child, your kin.
You will stay with me
always
and I shall live happily throughout the rest
of my days.
We are a family,
we three.
You, I and our baby.
What could be better than this?"

I mutter, "What could be better than this?"
When I look into his eyes,
I see bliss.
Overcome, I feel my body, my very soul quake.
My thoughts suddenly allowing me to wake.

My love taps my shoulder,
staring deep into my eyes.
"Where did you go just, now?"

In my mind,
I have seen what could happen.
I know the truth,
despite the fact that our previous conversation
occurred only within my imagination.
No, he has never confessed these things aloud.
Even though,
I know
them to be true.
Still should I be angry?
~sigh~ What to do?

I hide behind a mask
which is my smile.
Turning my back to stare into a void as I ask,
"What were we discussing?"
I hear him say, "I asked what you were thinking."
And I,
I say,
"Nothing."