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Click herewhat did i do, letting you walk out that door
my heart is broken, my life is tore
thought it wouldn't hurt, that enough was enough
now that you're gone, i see i wasn't that tough
couldn't deal with things, as they kept going
got tired of the lies, and not knowing
so with much agreement, you were gone in a flash
now i'm starting to feel, i shouldn't of been so rash
when you walked away, i said i wouldn't cry
but the tears started to flow, as we said good-bye
why did i let you go, when in my arms i wanted you so
because my pride and revenge, just wouldn't let me go
what has been done has been done, and is now in the past
what should have been love, just ended real fast
hey very good
i like the way you play
so enjoy yourself today
is what i say.
NIN.
I could fel the emotion seeping thru this poem from the first line. Your imagery is so simple and yet it sticks, and pulls ya in. I loved the flow too. Slow..steady.. taking one on a nice lil ride and holding you with captivating interest. More Please~~!!
life is a ying yang...grin ...cycle ...yet walk straight
in circles...lost but then found low high
good bad rough smooth hard soft grin frown
push pull now then rights wrong then wrongs
right now no yes question answer start finish
Wonderful poem! I was doing some playing around below. I think your poem would look really nice this way. Also, in each stanza and each line, I would start out with a capital letter. Hope you don't mind. Christina
what did i do,
letting you walk out that door
my heart is broken,
my life is tore <--you could have said "torn". It's the meaning that matters most. Also, "similar sounding" words work just as well as the ones you're using. Just a thought:)
thought it wouldn't hurt,
that enough was enough
now that you're gone,
i see i wasn't that tough
couldn't deal with things,
as they kept going
got tired of the lies,
and not knowing
so with much agreement,
you were gone in a flash
now i'm starting to feel,
i shouldn't of been so rash
when you walked away,
i said i wouldn't cry
but the tears started to flow,
as we said good-bye
why did i let you go,
when in my arms i wanted you so
because my pride and revenge,
just wouldn't let me go
what has been done has been done,
and is now in the past
what should have been love,
just ended real fast