When

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61 words
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Sexual satisfaction soon we shall seek.
Fulfilling our desires when next we will meet.

Wanting only to explore each others soul.
Knowing when we do we will lose all control.

Holding and touching, and joining as one.
Cumming together, burning brite as the Sun.

Just like two stars who happen to collide.
It's sure to be a magical and mystical ride.

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jthserrajthserraabout 20 years ago
The rhyme

here felt too forced, as if your line length was dictated only by how long it took for you to wrangle out the rhyming word. I think you could make it feel less forced if you enjambed your lines, instead of ending each thought and/or sentence at the end of each line, continue it onto the next line. That would reduce the impact of the rhyme, giving the poem a more natural feel when reading.

I found the title intriguing and would have liked to see the intrigue carried into the poem.

jim : )

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