- Non-Erotic Poetry
- World Knot
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The world is not a product; all literary packaging is in vain.
The world is not a factory; it destroys what it creates.
The world is not an artwork; its beauties are incidental.
The world is not a store; we do not get to select our lives.
The world is not a telephone; our calls all illusory.
The world is not a war; much of the blood we shed is our own.
The world is not a symphony; we do not all breathe as one.
The world is not a ball game; the old and gnarled are the true stars.
The world is not a clock; it isn't any time at all.
- COMMENTS
annaswirlsover 19 years agoI wish I knew if you were looking for suggestions (from me) on your writing. I feel like I could help you give this poem the chance to become what it is meant to be.
sackover 19 years agoOne way to avoid the repetition of the negative, is midway through to start revealing what the world IS. That could end the poem on a more positive note and make the whole structure less restrictive.
My Erotic Tailover 19 years agoa list of what the world is not
I think the point/list is a wonderful
way to play out a poem and that it worked
well in this piece. Thanks sean~
twelveooneover 19 years agoone should never that repitition past three, unless there is either a very good reason for it, or uses variants.
Here in your own words:
The world is not a factory; it destroys what it creates.
The world is not a product; all literary packaging is in vain.
The world is not an artwork; its beauties are incidental.
this begins to make a point, that is missed, by continuing.
lets try something else
The world is not a product; all literary packaging is in vain.
The world is not a factory; it destroys what it creates.
The world is not art; its beauty is existence.
this is better, no? 3rd is variant, begins to take on a visual, last point being more emphasized? These are questions I am asking.
I do not see the purpose of Knot in the title
I did not vote on this (I think)
