- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Write for the Day
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Click here1/18/11
Silently waiting for the storm clouds to lift,
I watch my life unfold around me.
And I see the mistakes and folly of most of it,
I also see the good in it, through the fog of doubt.
I denied this for so long, that I hurry to make up time,
Time I lost listening to other people, and not myself.
I wonder how many stories just faded away, not recorded,
While people told me I couldn’t write.
What was the flaw in me that I had so little faith in myself?
That I wrote in secret almost ashamed that I wrote at all,
Never feeling that I could show what my heart felt,
My mind knew and my hand recorded.
- COMMENTS
vrosej10over 13 years agoThe others have said what I wanted to say except, I have read all you stuff so far and I think there's a good poet inside of you. Just keep plugging away. I want to see more from you. I always enjoy your stuff.
Esperanza_Hidalgoover 13 years agoI like the thoughts in the poem and found my self wanting to minimalize some of the wording (not that I could help it out ;-). It is a good effort.
Example
Silently waiting for the storm clouds to lift,
my life unfolds.
Mistakes and folly surround me,
with goodness and fog of doubt.
and that's my two cents, worth about a penny.
GuiltyPleasureover 13 years ago......many writers of both pros and/or poetry will be familiar with the self-doubt described in this poem. There is the ground-work of a nice, tight work here but it needs pruning and tightening. Taking just the first verse.....
"Silently waiting for the storm clouds to lift,
I watch my life unfold [around me].
[And I] see the mistakes and folly [of most of it],
And [I also see] the good in it, through the fog of doubt."
The bracket words are dispensable making the verse more concise, tighter. The second and third verses could do with he same treatment. This is just my opinion and not a criticism.
You certainly should have no doubts about your writing - looking back over your previous work you've improved and learnt. Keep writing AND sharing.
Tess.
