tagHumor & Satire2007 Sex Olympics

2007 Sex Olympics


"Welcome to the 2007 Sex Olympics. Competition is stiff.."

"And that's not all that's stiff here, Rob," said the bikini-clad female announcer.

"That's right. Teams are currently warming up. Is that man from Brazil stretching his tongue?"

"That's the Cunnilingus World Champion, Rob. But, I wouldn't expect you to know anything about that."

"Now, Tina, let's not bring our personal lives into the arena," Rob said with a sterile laugh.

"The teams are parading around the arena and entering center stage. Would you look at the size of that man from Sierra Leone?" Tina remarked.

"And I don't think you're talking about his height."

"The first event today is female striptease. Judges are taking their places now. Contestants are judged on originality, costumes and props, flexibility, and sex appeal. The World Champion and her snake are here," announced Tina.

"That should be quite a performance."

"The first contestant is Busty O'Brian from Ireland. Is that a leprechaun she has with her?"

"I do believe it is, Rob. And, I'm just not drunk enough to find that sexy."

"Oh! Judges give her a 6.8. I do believe she lost points on sex appeal and flexibility. Next up is Olga Svenson from Sweden. This svelte blonde is wearing a shimmering, arctic blue bikini with white fur trim. She is stunning."

"I dare you to say 'Svelte Svenson' ten times fast," challenged Tina.

"Apparently, my tongue is not nearly as gifted as the competitors here, so I won't even try. "

"Olga's performance was flawless. I know it got me wet. I see the judges agree. Olga receives a score of 9.9," said Tina.

"But, the World Champion has stepped onto the stage. See how that snake clings to her body while she works that pole?"

"She certainly seems right at home with that brass pole between her legs."

"Oh, my! What an upset! The judges give the champion a 9.8. That will be good enough for the silver medal. The gold goes to Olga Svenson from Sweden."

"The next event is the felatio competition. Now, here is some stiff competition."

"I think we already used that pun, Rob."

"Ahem. Couples from each participating country are judged by the time is takes for the performing teammate to bring the male teammate to climax."

"Yes, Rob, this is all about speed. The man or woman competitor sucks their teammate's shaft until he cums. They are only allowed to use their mouths, including their tongues," said Tina.

"And there's the beginning bell. Look at the team from the United States. How does she get that huge cock in her mouth and throat with such speed?"

"We have one all male team from Japan. Some may say they have an advantage in this competition."

"Oh, no! The woman from Nigeria just gagged! That will cost her precious time and momentum!"

"And, yes, it looks like the American woman has won the gold. She opens her mouth to show proof to the judges before she swallows. Now, that's just showing off!" said Tina.

"Some might say that's downright cocky," laughed Rob.

"The silver goes to Germany. She is wearing the proof all over her face. Someone hand that poor girl a towel," said Tina.

"The next competition is cunnilingus. The giving partner will be judged on speed of completion, the same way the felatio competition was judged," explained Rob.

"We have one all female team from Ireland. The other teams have male competitors."

"I know we are all anxious to see if the World Champion from Brazil will win the gold medal," said Rob.

"As with the last event, the competitors are only allowed to use their mouths to complete the act."

"There's the beginning bell. Oh, my! It is already getting loud in here. These women are moaning as those tongues work their clits."

"Judges are standing close to the action to declare the winners. Maybe you should be down there taking notes, Rob."

"Don't go there, Tina. Wow, the women are obviously enjoying their teammates' performances."

"I wouldn't know," said Tina.

"Well, it looks like the Brazilian has claimed the gold medal!"

"And, the silver goes to Sierra Leone. What a pity! They just missed the gold by a hair!"

"Yeah, maybe she should have shaved first," said Rob.

"And that concludes today's coverage of the 2007 Sex Olympics!"

"Where are you going, Tina?"

"I'm going to, um, congratulate the Brazilian cunnilingus gold medal winner," Tina said as she slipped out of the announcer's booth.

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