A Bestiary of Monster Girls

*Avoid kissing after a battle-feast...

They are physically fragile, for their wings cannot support the mass of a normal man, although their muscles are often well-developed. Their voices and appearance are both beautiful, which perhaps is what tempts men towards pagandom by portraying these monsters as holy angels. Remember that your immortal soul is at stake when you worship such creatures as these!

But as for their voices, they are very strong and very clear, and they often sing in order to communicate with each other. Indeed, valkyries sing even while communicating with human beings, singing their speech. I personally find it extraordinarily annoying and distracting, and cannot imagine who would ever desire to hear a valkyrie singing on and on about their pagan Warfather and battlefields.

These monsters are called different things by different nations. In the north, they are called valkyries, while in southern Europe, they are called harpies, and sirens by the Greeks. They differ slightly in physical appearance, with valkyries tending towards blonde hair and raven black wings, while harpies and sirens more often have red or brown hair, and wings that range from brown to white. However, all three are the same race, and can interbreed without difficulty and produce fertile offspring.

They are extremely intelligent beings, and it is fortunate that they are physically weak, for their abilities of reason are beyond those of ordinary men. Their faith, however, is lacking, and they stubbornly cling to their heathen and wrong religions.

Few physical defenses need to be taken against them. They are, as I have written above, quite weak. Their intelligence must be respected, though, so be on your guard when near them. They are quite passive, but care must be taken to bury the dead properly around them, for they willingly eat the flesh of any dead creature that is not yet entirely rotten, having no respect for the deceased.

*Being flying creatures, harpies prefer cliffs and other high places, usually inaccessible to men. Therefore, I had to wait until one came to me.

Fortunately, Charles's troops provided more than enough bodies to attract the carrion eaters, and I simply had to follow a day or two behind the main army in order to guarantee myself a visit. Sure enough, I managed to be present when a flock arrived to feast. They are extremely intelligent, as Herman noted, and I felt quite like a child around them. I wasn't certain how I would seduce one at first, but then I recalled my lirone.

They are excellent singers, and appreciate musical talent in others, as well. I was able to use my lirone to show off my own skills and outdo them musically, even if I could not match them intellectually. They rarely use instruments. Instead, they sing a capella. I therefore recommend you to learn an instrument before attempting to seduce one of these girls.

They are quite frail, though, so I recommend the cowgirl position, so there is no danger of hurting her. She will be quite light, and they are flawless, physically, so the view affording by this position is also to be desired. Just avoid their breath. They eat much fish and carrion and have no concept of the use of cloves to sweeten the breath...

Vampires

Vampires are the most dangerous of monsters. An unprepared man stands no chance against a vampire and will surely die. Their strength is monstrous, their powers myriad, and their mortal weaknesses few.

Their sins are legion, including gluttony, greed, lust, wrath, sloth, envy, and pride. Their hunger for blood is insatiable, and there is no limit to the number of victims they will drain. They need fresh blood to survive, for without it, they lose their powers until they finally become corpses once again, but it does nothing to assuage their hunger, and their stomachs are eternally empty.

They will commit any crime in order to acquire the blood of another, and only efficiency guides their actions. There is no morality for a vampire. Their only goal is blood, and anything that brings them closer to that is considered good. Murder and seduction are just tools to them, used as one would use an axe to bring down a tree.

They spend their days asleep in their coffins, slothful beings who waste the time set aside by God for work, only rising once the sun has set. Some believe that the sunlight destroys vampires, but I have seen one about in the light, and can say this is a myth. The purity of the sun does weaken them, however, and if exposed to the daytime soon, a vampire is neither stronger nor more powerful than a human being, although as difficult to destroy as they ever are.

Envious of human life, yet too proud to admit their sins and find Redemption, the vampire exists only to snuff out other lives and destroy what he himself cannot possess. Even their sins, greater in number than the trees of the Schwarzwald, could be forgiven by God if only they would open themselves to His glory and forgiveness, but their pride will always stop them from doing so. They consider themselves the natural lords of the Earth, and will rarely even deign to speak to a human who is not an aristocrat. Often times, they make themselves into the local noble, playing the part of a certain nobleman for a generation or so, before faking their death and beginning the process anew in the guise of their own son, and thereby guarantee themselves a constant supply of victims through their peasants.

*Check whether my old Latin tutor has aged since I was a boy. He may be a vampire...

Fortunately, their evil stops most men from seeking them out, but they are aggressive hunters if one enters their territory. Vampires have many compulsions, and one of these is to always sleep in the same soil each day. Each vampire has their own coffin of soil to which they will return daily. This, then, limits their territory greatly, and only rarely will a vampire travel further than thirty miles from their homes, although if roused, they will fly up to eighty miles for a victim before returning home. They are more common east of the Empire, but I have heard tell of some in Brittany and Aragon. They prefer rural areas, in order that they may more freely hunt and travel without notice.

As I said, they have many compulsions, and these are the best forms of defense against them. They will not enter a dwelling into which they have not been invited. They will not cross running water, and this, too, limits their territory. They avoid the signs of Christianity, especially the crucifix. They hate the odor of garlic, and the plant can be hung around one's bed or on one's person in order to protect oneself. If one scatters a collection of objects before a vampire, he will count every one before moving on unless his existence is at stake, and so a bag of rice makes an effective defense if traveling through a vampire's territory.

*If only I could scatter my lovers before him, he would be counting a year and a day before he finished!

As for destroying them, there is only one way. They must be staked through the heart, decapitated, and the head destroyed by fire. If all of these steps are not taken, the body will rise the next night in search of its head, and when it has found it, it will reattach it and once again be whole.

As I mentioned before, they feed upon blood, but they differ from men in the following ways, as well. A vampire casts neither a reflection in a mirror nor shadow upon the ground. He can, at will, transform himself into a variety of forms, especially that of a mist, a wolf, and a bat, which he uses to spy upon and chase his victims. He can fly through the air, even without changing his form. His strength is greater than that of ten men combined, and he cannot feel pain from physical blows. All of these abilities, however, are powered by his ingested blood, and if he has not fed for some time, he will weaken and gradually lose his abilities. The most effective way to destroy a vampire, then, is to remove all souls from his territory for a period of time until, hungry and weak, he can be destroyed.

*Can a vampire feed upon lesser creatures? What about rats and vermin? I wonder whether one must scorch the very earth to deprive a vampire its sustenance, or whether the removal of all large mammals is sufficient.

As for how they are created, sometimes a vampire will create another of its kind from the corpse of a victim. When this happens, the victim's personality is gone forever, and only the brutish instincts of the vampire remain. It is a rare occurrence, though, for vampires consider each other rivals for prey, and if two vampires are too close to each other, they will fight constantly until one has been destroyed by the other. A newly created vampire, however, does not yet have the compulsions it will soon acquire, and so once they have been created, they find their own territory in which to feed, before they find themselves rooted to their coffins.

The female vampires, though, are most dangerous to men, for their seductive wiles cause men to lower their defenses and surrender themselves completely. All vampires are physically attractive, with their defects from life replaced with pale, flawless flesh. Their upper canines lengthen and sharpen, and they use these to drain blood from a victim's neck or chest. As written above, a vampire's body is a tool to her, and she will use it in any way she can to snare her prey, even giving herself wantonly, if that seems likely to get her what she desires. Their powers of persuasion and seduction are so great that all preparations must be made in advance, or else you are doomed.

*I confess, even I am not so foolhardy as to attempt a seduction such as this. I have heard rumors of a vampire living in Ultrasylvania, but no one has seen him and lived. The idea that one could seduce, let alone romance, a living demon such as a vampire is absurd. You would have better luck romancing a hungry bear, covered in honey, holding the corpses of its cubs in your arms, while speaking Flemish.

Werewolves

Werewolves are dangerous creatures. Most of the time, they can pass for decent human beings, but as the full moon approaches, they gain the ability to transform into wolves for a few days. On the very night of the full moon, this ability becomes a necessity, and, even if they will it not, they must transform into a wolf for the duration of that night. Only from the Archfiend himself can such black magic derive, and the transformation from man to beast reminds us how close we all are to eternal and infernal torment.

They are scattered across Europe, and sightings of them are rare. When they do appear, though, blood is inevitably spilled. While in their lupine forms, they are mindless beasts, no different from any other vicious wolf in habit, yet far more powerful, physically. Even when disguised as a human, they are still abnormally strong, and possess preternatural senses of hearing and smell, able to track scents across miles.

*Such a being would be quite useful in manhunts...

As wolves, they are vicious brutes, and extremely dangerous. They are fearless, and few weapons can damage them. They are, however, sensitive to silver, and not only will they avoid the metal, but it burns them through contact, and if they are wounded by the metal itself, the wound is nearly always fatal, for it will not clot, and they will slowly bleed out through it. Other weapons can harm them, and even kill them, but they heal other wounds unusually rapidly, and their skin is much tougher than a normal man's. Also, their fur is dense and tough, acting like armor and protecting them from harm.

The best defense against these beasts is silver, for they can smell the metal and go nowhere near it if it can be helped. They do not target humans, but neither do they avoid them, and they will prey upon man as readily as upon any other beast. Keep silver about your person, and you shall be safe. For extra protection, have your drinking cup made of silver, for not only will it deter werewolves, but it will also detect poison, as well.

*At first, I confess, I was at a loss for how to find werewolves. Although they've been seen across Europe, these sightings happen extraordinarily rarely and seemingly without any method. Fortunately, the Father of History came to my rescue.

He speaks of the Neuri, men whom the Scythians and Greeks call wizards, because once a year, they become a wolf for a few days. With no other leads to follow, I followed this one. According to Herodotus, they had to leave their original country due to a plague of serpents, and moved to the territory of the Budini, above the Black Sea. From my studies and travels, I finally determined that this place is now where the Grand Duchy of Lithuania forms a salient into the Khanate of the Crimea.

I wore a thin silver necklace: enough to protect my throat, but, I hoped, not enough to be easily detectable by werewolves from a distance. I traveled through the countryside, interacting with as many peasants as possible, until I came across a woman with ash blonde hair who refused to come too close to me, and whose hair stood on end if I approached her direction.

I made arrangements with the local lord to have a visit with her, which he was happy to set up for the proper bribe. After I made it clear I knew exactly what she was, and that I was not there to harm her, she opened herself up considerably. Apparently keeping such a secret had been a source of great stress to her, and we spent the next few days discussing her situation.

Over the course of the week, I charmed her quite sufficiently, and by the time of the full moon, she agreed to let me witness her transformation, although she insisted I wear more silver in order to protect myself with her. I spent the night with her in her transformed forms, and together we took down a deer together, which she ate raw. It was evidently quite the bonding experience, for the next night, we consummated our relationship.

She was pleasant companionship and a very impressive woman. When I returned home, I brought her with me, and we were wed in Florence a year and a day after our first meeting. To this day, she is still my bride, and we are currently expecting our first child. We shall see whether they take after their mother or not...