A Big Shiny Blue Marble Ch. 02

"I guess I want to apologize," she said, "Sorry for doing exactly what Mom did with your name. I named him Sariel for a reason, but I'd guess that you already know that. He answers to 'Jesse' when he's around humans. He's a wonderful boy, Azrael. He's polite and thoughtful. He always wants to help me, and I've found that he can learn at an amazing rate -- just like somebody else that I know, and like that person," she smiled, "he has a lot of potential and power locked away inside of him. He looks just like his amazing father.

I lost my heart to him the very first time that I laid eyes on him, and I fall in love with that little boy about every half hour, give or take five minutes.

So," she said, as she sat down beside him, "It's your turn now to tell me what's gone on in your life. Go."

"When I left here," he began, "I just went as fast and as far as I could. There's not a lot to tell about most of my life, Rachel. There are a lot of artifacts left by humans long ago. Some of them knew what they were doing magically. I looked for things that I thought that I'd need; artifacts and books. Sometimes, I'd come across someone who might be looking for something that I'd found or knew of, and if the money was right, I'd get it for them, or just sell it if I had it. It led to a few adventures, I guess.

After a while, I thought about finding a place for it all. I wanted a place where I could keep everything protected and safe, and also, I wanted, ... "

He thought about it, seeking the words as Rachel found the end of his braid and toyed with it a little. "I wanted a place where I could lock myself away if I wanted that, and also I got to thinking about what I left behind."

"I can feel that you don't have anyone in your life," she said, "I'm a little surprised, to tell you the truth. I might be your twin sister, but I'm also a woman and I'd think that you'd have a long line of broken hearts behind you."

He shook his head, "No. There's only the one. I have exactly two friends, but I'm not in a relationship. I've only ever really broken one heart and that was by being human about something. I don't know who I thought that I was fooling, other than myself. I did learn a few things, though. We're not the only ones. We're just the worst ones, that's all."

"What do you mean?" she asked, untying his braid and beginning to set his long hair free. "I know there are others, but I've never seen any, and the only ones that I've ever heard of are supposed to be like animals, something like whoever our real father was."

He smirked, "Something like that, I guess. But I've found out that there were humans here before us for a long time. Then these others began to show up. They're demons as well, but they're a little different from us, and there aren't very many. From the legends that I've heard and read about, they're quite civilized. There's a third type, and they're, ... allies, I guess you might call them, allies of the other type. Anyway, they're more rare than we are, and they try to kill us every chance that they get. Because they're so civilized, I guess.

I've never met the third type, but I have met one individual of the civilized demons. We talked for a time, and he told me that he'd seen enough to know that I wasn't like most of the ones that he finds. They call us 'Red' demons, though he didn't say why. But he did tell me that it was his job to hunt them down and kill them. I guess that I was just too human for him to need killing, which was lucky for us both, I guess. I think that I could have killed him if I'd wanted to, and anyway, he hadn't been sent for me. He said that he is sent where these red demons appear to kill them. He was on his way home when I met him."

"What did you do?" Rachel asked.

"I did the civilized thing," Azrael smirked, "I bought him a drink, since we were at an inn. Then I left.

That was another reason that I had for looking for a place for myself. I wanted a place which was as impenetrable as possible; a regular fortress. I found it too. It was murder trying to get inside, but I've lived there ever since. The only thing missing was the other part of myself."

"You're going to have to speak a little plainer to me, Azrael," she smiled at him as she ran her fingers through his hair to get the last of the braiding out, "I've been here for a long time, but our son hasn't always been the sparkling conversationalist that you met today. Do you know what that can do to a woman's mind?" she chuckled.

"We've always been so much like one another," he said, "so you might imagine how it today felt for me. I came here mostly to see if the place was still standing. The best that I might have hoped for was that I'd find Dad still living here, and maybe he could tell me if he knew what had happened to you and it would have been a miracle if he could have told me where you might be. I guess that I had a hope that at least you'd found someone for yourself and that you were happy."

He shook his head, "I never thought that I'd find you here. I'm very happy that I could help you. I never thought that I'd have a son, Rachel. You've done an incredible job raising him the way that you have."

He looked down and took her hand, looking up at the fresh, clean bandage that he'd applied and thanking the stars that he'd come when he had. Another day and he was fairly certain that she'd have been beyond what he could do.

"I guess that I'd like to offer you and Sariel a change of scene. I live inside a mountain. It was hollowed out hundreds of years ago, and there was a command post build right inside it. The humans of that time were afraid of another place using huge bombs and missiles to attack them -- just as they were ready to attack that other place the same way. I guess it was a big long stalemate that was supposed to be like that between them. The place is large inside, and I've spent a few years just cleaning it all up. The humans have forgotten about it, and there's nothing inside it to interest them anymore anyway.

But it's a comfortable and safe place to live, if you're a person who is a little like something else -- something which might be feared by humans and hunted by others something like yourself. And you wouldn't be alone there either. I've found that I can make quite a comfortable living seeking things for others now and then, if they can pay my price. But it can be rather challenging to do it all alone, and it takes five times longer to get anything done.

I live there with a pair of like-minded individuals, and we've found that a little company on the road can help a lot. They have their own reasons to want to be away from the place where they came from. I don't know how you feel about me, but I want you to live there with me. Sariel would love it, and we'd be safe there. It's a little closer to people, but they don't know what's there. Maybe we could get him into a school there."

"Who are the others?" she asked.

"They're a couple of Drow that I met in one of their cities underground. Believe me, they know how it feels to be shunned or feared by others the same as we do. I think you'd like them -- once you got used to the way that they argue and fight all the time. It used to drive me crazy, but they never mean it and now I find it quite entertaining and there's nobody better to have at your back when you need somebody there."

"I've never seen one. I don't know anything about them, other than humans hate them," Rachel said, "I guess that puts them one step up in my book already. But I've got to think about Sariel."

"I know that," he said, "I don't think there's any reason for concern, other than not knowing them, but you can't live up here alone forever can you? I can't see how that would be good for Sariel. Besides, he'd have all sorts of opportunities to learn from a couple of quite capable individuals. One of them is a mage and the other is unbelievably good at any kind of fighting. I'm sure he'll drive them nuts with his questions and anyway, the place is huge inside. I doubt that he'd get tired of poking around. I know I haven't yet.

They're not there now, or they weren't when I left. They went off looking for a little adventure, though I'd guess that's not the right way to say it. They were after a set of wands for the mage that we'd heard of."

"How would we live there, Azrael?" Rachel asked him, "Are we supposed to live like a couple of adults who have a child between them? I know that I was the one who said that it didn't matter back then, as long as we had each other. But things have changed, haven't they? You're the father of that little boy, Azrael, and right or wrong, you're also his uncle, aren't you? I haven't told him about any of that. He only knows that you're his father. I guess that I need to know what you have in mind."

He sighed, "I don't know about what to tell him yet, "Azrael said, "I can say that I would love to be a part of his life -- not that I've earned that right. I'm saying that I want you in my life in some way -- and if I need to leave it up to you to decide what you want, then that would be fine with me."

He looked down after a moment. "No it wouldn't. But I'd live with whatever you decided," he said looking up. "If you found a man of some kind that you wanted, I'd be alright with that, I guess. I just want to know that you're alright, especially now that I know about my son. We haven't lived like one for a long time, but we are still a family. I guess that I'm saying that I'd like it if we acted like one. He probably doesn't need it, but after today, and knowing what I do now, well I'm prepared to step up, and I'd let you decide how you want me to play it."

She reached to touch his face. "You are the worst liar in the world, Azrael, and you always have been -- at least to me. I'm the same as you are, remember? It sure wouldn't be fine with me, living in the same mountain -- or wherever that is, knowing that you're in love with someone else. I'd probably want to kill them, not that I would.

So try this again, and I'll give you another chance to get it right this time. Tell me one more time what you want, and you don't have to earn the right to be Sariel's father. You already are his father. The only thing that you need to earn is his love. But never mind him for the moment. This is about us. We should define us before we complicate things again.

If you're trying to say that you'd want to be my partner, then say it and I'll give you my answer. But you have to say it this time, not me. I did that already. We'd both never find somebody who is human and could live with us as we are. We'd for damn sure never find another one like ourselves, and I don't want to try -- especially with a demon of any variety anymore. I think that I only want the one that I had before, but he has to say it the right way. We've both lived alone long enough to know that we could do it, but it's not what we really want in our demonic little hearts is it?"

He thought about it for a moment. She was right as she'd always been. For what they were -- both kinds, it was wrong, though more from the human side of things. But they had loved each other so much at one time that parting was like leaving yourself behind. They'd never find someone, and the truth of it was that they had never really wanted to. He'd tried a few times, and most of those attempts had really been non-starters that had started and died away almost right afterward. Every time that had happened, it had cost him a year or two of upset and unhappiness, knowing that it was hopeless.

"What I would want to say is that I want you to accept me as your male," he said quietly, though she could see that he was in earnest, "I'd accept you as my female and we could go from there. But I think we need to be a little careful. If it were up to me, I'd probably just say, 'let's do it', but we've been apart for so long and there's Sariel to consider as well. At this moment, I don't think that it would be wise to ever tell Sariel that we're related -- though in the other form it will probably be pretty obvious to him, I would think, but then I don't know if he's ever seen any others. It's still wrong somehow inside me, but I've gotten over that and I think that we need each other if we're going to do this right for our son."

She nodded with a soft smile, "I still want to be your female -- it's all that I've ever wanted to be. But we're a little cursed, aren't we, Azrael? I've cried all of my tears and I've felt all of the shame that I thought I could over what we'd done. But then I stopped to think. None of them care anyway. They don't even know us or who we are, do they? All that I know was that I was miserable without you. It sounds to me as though you weren't exactly hopping from one set of arms to another. So as far as what you said goes, I'll accept you as mine right now, since I've already lived the alternative and I don't like it as much as I think that I could be happy with you. For just the chance at half of what we had before, it's worth it. You're like me. I hear you, but I don't have any real reservations about the kind of father that you'd be.

For now, let's not tell Sariel about us, other than we were together once and we're trying to do it right this time. I do have other conditions though. You have to live here with us until just before the winter. We'll have a better idea then, and if we still agree, we can go to your damn mountain and I'll be happy to leave here forever, though our son will need to want that too for me to agree. Seeing the way that he was looking at you, and how you made him a part of everything, I don't think that you'll have any trouble. While you were out getting the pump to run again and then heating the water with your hands for his bath, he was bursting to tell me everything that you did together.

There is another thing," she said quietly, "though I don't think that it'll be a problem either. You've saved my ass I don't know how many times when we were kids and as we grew. You did it again today. I knew that you wouldn't say anything, but I also know that if you hadn't come today, I'd probably be on my way out tomorrow or the day after.

So I've come really close to leaving Sariel all alone in the world at the age of seven. It's not a pleasant thing to consider. I think that's what this family thing is all about at its heart, so that if something happens to one parent, the kids stand at least a chance because they still have one parent left. We might not be what's normal, and by human standards what we did was wrong, but I've never minded. I was happy then. I think we can be happy again, and there's the reality of one thing; what's done is done, and no matter what, we made a child between us. We're his parents, and we have to see to it that he lives long enough to grow up, right?"

"Agreed," Azrael said, and she knew that he meant it.

"What's in my heart is a lot of thanks and hope," she said, "so I'd be happy to sit here and just breathe air with you, but I'm also still weak and I'm feeling tired. Why don't you damp the fire down and help me to bed? I'll need help to get this dress off anyway or I'd just rip it when I got fed up."

"You'd rip your dress?" He was a little astounded. He knew his sister and she'd always been the kind to want to keep her clothes well.

But Rachel gave him that look of hers. He hadn't seen it in years, but she'd always had this way to combine a smile and a smirk into one expression when she'd been kidding him about something.

"Look at it from my side," she chuckled quietly, "It might have taken years, but I think that I've finally gotten you to see things my way, though maybe not for the very same reasons that I had then. We're all we've got, and as bushed as I am, coming back from feeling so sick for so long, I'm looking at the chance to go to bed with you again. We can't do a whole lot, and we'll have to learn to be quiet like regular folks, but for a chance to hold you to me and know that it'll be alright from now on, Honey, I'd tear the door off its hinges if I couldn't get it open. We already know the answer, but let's go see how much we still love each other.

What are you laughing about?" she asked.

"Well first off, I don't think that I really stood much of a chance here if I'd had objections -- not that I have any this time. I agree with everything that you said. But you're saying that you might not be up to much, and that makes sense. I wouldn't even have the thought of it tonight, since you still have a way to go to be completely better. But there's another thing."

"Another thing?" Rachel asked.

"Uh-huh," he chuckled again, "I'm happy that you still want me," he said, "and I haven't felt this good inside for a long time -- about eight years, I think. But have you walked up this mountain lately?"

"Yes," she said, "well, not in the last two months. I did just after the spring thaw, why?"

"How long did that take you, Rachel?"

"Well, it takes about two days, with a nap in the old cedar grove about halfway."

He smiled, "I did it in a day and a bit, but I didn't stop. I just kept walking in the dark. I'm a little tired too."

"Oh," Rachel said, looking a little surprised, "I guess we might only be able to do it one time then, huh?"

"You haven't changed a bit," he smirked.

"Come on, just something slow?" she said with that pout that he liked.

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It was later that night, when they lay holding each other that he heard it.

It was a soft little sound that she made in the way that she sighed when she was happy lying against him. He opened his eyes and saw hers looking back. For what they were, there was no true darkness. They could see well enough to read a book in almost pitch blackness. It was that dark where they were, but the only thing they read were each other's smiles.

She kissed him softly and moved to settle against him.

"I win," she said in the same cheery tone that she'd always chosen whenever she'd bested him at anything when they were children.

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He found his father waiting for him when he'd gotten up and come back from washing his face. "Mom said to go to the henhouse for a few eggs," he said, "Wanna come?"

"Sure," Azrael smiled and they set off together, Sariel carrying the bag of feed and Azrael lugging a jerry can of water for the hens. The old chicken coop was out at the edge of the grove by the meadow. It was the standard affair with a ring of chickenwire fencing around it. A few hens and the rooster were out. The boy spread feed for them and asked Azrael if he could fill up the low trough for them.

"I can't," he said, "the fence and the gate are warded to protect the chickens out here. I'm afraid that you'll have to do it."

Sariel smiled a little impishly, though he was just a bit disappointed that his father hadn't fallen for it. "How did you know?" he smiled, "I was gonna stop you before you touched it or anything. Can you tell or something?"

Azrael nodded, "I can see it a mile away, though I don't need that to tell. It's always been warded. It's the only way that you can keep chickens up here this far from the house. They wouldn't last a night out here by themselves. Trying to trick me into getting a blast, were you?"

Sariel laughed a little, "Yeah, I guess I was."

He stared at the tiny ball of lightning there in his father's hand. He hadn't even seen how it got there, never mind how it could be held like that. He could tell what it was though; his mother could make them as well.

Azrael's eyes shone a little, "Shall we see just how fast a seven year-old can run?"

The boy's expression changed instantly, "Please, ... no, ..."

His father's face changed back to a good-natured expression as the ball snapped out of sight.

"Sariel, my young friend," he grinned, "You shouldn't ever challenge me like that. I think we have the same sense of humor. Besides, "he said as he laid his hand on the boy's shoulder, "Do you really think that I'd do that to you? Can you just see me running around all through the woods and the meadow here while your mother throws them at me afterward? Have you ever seen her throw one?"