A Big Shiny Blue Marble Ch. 09

"She smiled, "You seem to have a tendency to want to freeze to death, and you said that you haven't got big enough --"

Selena laughed, but afterward, she stared a little, "So you rode with me all day in this because you're concerned for me?"

Ny'Zeille nodded, "I didn't mean it, I was really trying to watch out for you, but I have found a friend on this road, and though the ride wasn't pleasant, I've enjoyed your company all day. "

"I have too," Selena grinned, "and I'm thankful for your company, especially now that I know that you didn't have to suffer as I did. I'm even more thankful now. I made a friend too, one who seems to be trying so hard in such a subtle way to force me to think about my fears about what you are. I've learned a lot. I'm almost not afraid to go now, I'm just a little nervous, that's all."

Ny'Zeille reached for Selena's hand, "Trust me, there is nothing for you to fear. By the time that you awake in the morning, I will be gone. You only need to follow the road out of town and turn right at the second road, the very small path. Just go up to the gates when you get to the top. You will be welcomed, I promise it.

I want to go on ahead to make sure that everything is ready, and that there is enough food. I arranged to have my horse loaded with food from the shop tomorrow when I leave while you were in your bath. If I leave it to Dahlgren, there won't be enough. I think that a woman can understand. But you will be welcomed and not treated as anything other than an honored guest."

Selena's face fell a little, "Alright," she said, "I'm a big girl. I guess I can manage that. You will be there, right?"

"Yes," Ny'Zeille replied honestly, "unless a war breaks out somewhere or something. I will be there."

They ate for a time and looked out through the window at the storm. It was just a bit of miserable weather, nothing much was accumulating on the ground. The meal was finished and Ny'Zeille had broken out her pipe and sat puffing contentedly as they looked out into the gathering gloom of the storm and the approaching nightfall.

"You're very proud of him, aren't you?"

The statement, spoken as it was out of thin air, surprised the demon a little, but she smiled and nodded, "I am, so very proud of him. What he is can be a disadvantage on both sides. Look at the way that people fear him here. On the other side of things, he would be thought of as weak because of his human blood, but he has shown them all to be wrong. He has taken up the old faith of The Balance, and has risen to what might be called a Templar by humans as the word for a knight of a faith. To us, he is a ranger here, though he acts when there is imbalance that he can correct. It is a high honor, though it is a lonely life as well. "

"I don't have many friends," Selena said quietly, "In my line of work, it can usually only be a liability -- a hole in my safety, if that makes sense. I'm finding that I miss not having the sort of friend that I did as a child, someone who cares, someone who can be trusted." She looked at her friend's pipe for a moment,

"May I?"

"What?" the demon startled in surprise, "Oh, of course, Selena. I didn't know that you -- "

"I used to," she said, taking the pipe from Ny'Zeille, "It's not something that I can afford to do much, so I almost never do." She puffed a little and handed the pipe back with a little grin.

"Anyway, I believe that I have made just that sort of friend today," she said smiling, "and I'm feeling pretty good over it, too. So good in fact, that I'm buying the next ales."

The demon's jaw dropped open in a grin, "And here I'd thought that your cheapness was result of the measure of your chest."

"Careful," Selena chuckled.

"You know I only make sport," the demon said, "You told me that you were terrified when you saw my son, but you did not answer me when I asked you if you liked his natural form as well as the one that he shows to humans here.

I guess that I am fishing, trying to think of what to look for in the sort of woman that he'd want, since it confuses me so much that now I wish to know. Thinking about it logically, I think that the best chance would be with a girl like him or a demon girl who is a little tolerant. None of that really matters, of course. Love between two people is a random thing oftentimes. He and I can speak of almost anything, but if I mention a female for him at all, he grows instantly clinical -- as though we are discussing a battle that he was involved in.

Selena's eyes flashed, "Ny'Zeille, ..." she had to think about it, "You look here, Ny'Zeille Runei," she said with only a little mock gravity, "Are we friends or not? Because if we are, then I'll not have you blabbing everything that I tell you to that son of yours, are we clear?"

NyZeille smiled and looked down, trying to hide her grin, "Yes, Selena. We are friends, and I won't tell a thing."

"Well aright then," the rogue said, "I'll only tell you this once, because we're here and all, but not one word of this will reach Dahlgren's ears, or I'll never trust you again. I'll want your word on this, that bloody world-famous Runei word that Dahl always pisses me off over when he reminds me of it."

She saw her friend's chin come up and nod, "I give you my word. You called him 'Dahl'."

Selena pursed her lips and blew one of the strands of her dark hair out of her eyes, "Pfft, Just forget that I said that." She leaned forward conspiratorially and her friend did the same.

"This is only for your ears, my friend, because even though I'm not exactly thought of as a much sought-after sort of shy girl, I am human, and I've found that it just doesn't pay to have something like a girl's secrets overheard at all. I was so hopeful to get to know him a lot better. It's bloody obvious to me now why, but I've never met anyone like him. I saw your son and I had so many things to deal with inside me all at once. I did the only other thing that I could think of. I packed up like a frightened mouse, trying hard not to chatter my fears out loud to myself as I did it, and I ran.

I'm not proud of what I did, especially after how we fell asleep and what we did before that. I'm actually ashamed of myself over it.

I doubt that I can, or that I'll even ever get the chance to apologize, but I really wish now that I hadn't sat on my wet ass in front of my own house wishing that he wasn't there. What I should have done then was just thank him and tell him that I was sorry for everything that I'd done.

He really needs to find a better sort of girl for himself."

Ny'Zeille sat listening to all of it, but she did catch it and moved to pull it back in front of them, "The only OTHER thing? Did you think to hurt him? Kill him? I'm a little confused."

Selena rolled her eyes and looked down. She was suddenly very interested in her own fingernails. "No. He hadn't hurt me or even threatened to hurt me. Nothing like that."

She looked up, "Please, Ny'Zeille, I'm talking about him to his mother, of all people."

The woman smiled slowly, "His mother, who is a demon, after all."

"Who's a de- Hey!"

The smile grew wider as she tilted her head, "Well if you can't confide your darkest desires to a demon who is a friend to you, who then?

No one with a brain would dare confide in one of these preachers which every town seems to have at least one of. The idiots would only denounce them for admitting what they themselves feel the same as anyone else, but they'd be happy for the chance to burn an innocent and keep the rest cowed."

She laughed, "Can you just imagine what one like me would do if it was attempted? I'd hang him by his own bag right over the door of his home and set that ablaze for the stupidity of it all."

Selena's eyes narrowed down to slits as she set her jaw, "Alright. It doesn't matter anymore anyway, and not one word, Ny'Zeille," she warned, "or I'll walk away from your job out of embarrassment. There's not enough gold in the world for that, by the way, if I find out that you told him any of this."

She sat back, looking out into the darkness on the other side of the window. Her voice came out very softly and carried a hint of childlike wonder to it, "I saw him lying there, still clothed because of the cold and I stared at his face. I had a whole lot of other things coming up right then, but there was one thing -- one sudden desire that I had and it frightened me like nothing I've ever felt -- because, well, I need to feel that I always have some control, somehow."

She looked down, "And right then, I could feel that I was losing that control."

"Why?" the demon asked softly as she reached out and touched the rogue's hand, "What was it?"

Selena sighed, "He's always looked so good to me. Every time that I've ever seen him, whether he's looked at me or not, every time, I lose my breath, or that's what it feels like to me. I can see him a hundred times a day and I'm fine, but the next time that I see him somewhere, it's the same thing all over again, just the first time.

Right then, I looked, wanting to know if it would happen again, because we'd fooled around a little the night before. We didn't do it, but I really wanted to."

Her voice grew even softer, "It did happen, Ny'Zeille. He was lying there and every so often, I could see what he really was, ... and it happened anyway!

I wanted to kiss him so much. I almost couldn't stop myself. I wanted to kiss him so softly so that he'd wake up and see me there over him. He'd have probably needed to go pee or something, but I wouldn't have let him get up. That's why I ran. If I didn't stop myself, ... "

She closed her eyes, and drew a breath, "Oh, I'd have just fucked him silly right there. We'd have frozen to death on that mountaintop with his stupid tent on top of us, but I wouldn't have cared, not until long after I'd had him."

She hung her head.

Before Selena could start to cry, feeling shame for what she'd admitted to his mother, Ny'Zeille pulled herself forward and lifted Selena's hand to her lips. She kissed that hand slowly and set it down on the table again, though she didn't let go, she just held it.

The rogue looked up and saw her soft smile.

"I want to make an admission of my own, "Ny"Zeille said, quietly, "Firstly, I don't think that you ought to feel badly about what happened. If it helps any, I can tell you that he only thinks that you will not listen to him out of some fear that you have. It may have been so then. Secondly, we are both females, no matter what we are, and you should know that I understand.

Thirdly, I will not tell any of this to him at all. It is not my place to interfere and I find that I value your friendship so much. But lastly, I need to tell you something.

I only had the chance to bear one child. I have never found another male who I felt that I really wanted after what I had. So I only had my son. I have already admitted my pride in him. But now I will tell you something else. If I'd had the chance, long ago, just one more chance to bear another child, I am sure now that I'd have loved so much to have had a girl just like you, my young friend.

But we can only have what we have, Selena," she said, "I am happy to have my friend. Besides, I have just realized that there is a flaw to my wish. Dahlgren would have had a sister then, and I have a feeling that your childhoods would have been very loud indeed."

It made Selena smile and she thanked Ny'Zeille for the thought as they stood up and said goodnight and parted company on their way to their respective rooms.