A Big Shiny Blue Marble Ch. 45

She'd been so happy then, she remembered. The two met and paired as was natural, but as the pregnancy of the living female took hold, it had begun yet another round of tragedy. She and Beyl'eth, the living female, knew each other. Beyl'eth had always been a proud beauty and to Narreth's eyes, she had a right – up to a point. There comes a time when two people pair when each must yield a little for the good of them both. There had been many fights and disagreements. Narreth stayed out of it, knowing that it was not her place to interfere. She'd had her own revelations to contend with.

For one thing, on the world where she'd lived, she was a ghost and though she was dead, she was like many ghost witches and lived on by her strength of will and her spirit, helping any who needed it if it could be done. But here, a series of events had changed her more than a little. She was still dead in a real way, but her body had become more than a little solid. Overall, Narreth liked it.

But the squabbles of her son Ayt'han and Beyl'eth continued unabated. When it grew too bad to her way of thinking, Beyl'eth would leave for a time, and usually, after she'd had time to reflect, she came to speak with Narreth, who always provided helpful, thought neutral advice whenever she could.

But the last time had been different. Narreth had been standing with Beyl'eth as she prepared to return to her male, wanting to just get on with their lives. Beyl'eth planned to make up with him and she knew him well enough to know that he'd accept it and offer that he'd been unreasonable as well. As she turned, Beyl'eth slipped and fell backwards, hitting her head on a stone ledge.

Narreth did all that she could, but the young female who had been named for her lay in a coma for the next three days. Narreth hovered around and worried. From what she could tell, the first trimester pregnancy was unaffected – so far, but how long would it survive like this? All of her talents – any of her abilities indicated to her that the one who had lived in this body was somehow absent.

After another half a day of agonizing, Narreth came to the resolution of a very difficult decision for her to make. To any of the three, the survival of this fetus was paramount. Narreth knew that she had the ability to enter and run this body – hopefully until Beyl'eth was able to re-assume it.

The danger to Narreth was clear to her. To do this, she'd need to abandon her own mysterious 'half-body' – the one which had formed out of nothing and looked just as she'd looked in life. She didn't really know what would happen to it, but she doubted that it would just wait for her to return – even if she could do that. And she doubted that it was possible to return.

If she was successful and this young body lived under her control, she knew that if Beyl'eth came back to herself, Narreth would leave to allow it. But she had no idea what would happen to her then. Would she simply be a specter once more, or would she cease to exist altogether? She had no answer, but the baby was the most important thing to her, and Beyl'eth after that. Narreth had had a life. Now it was time to help again.

The actual transfer was more easily accomplished than she'd have ever thought, though it took a day for her to do much more than open her eyes as her will extended through Beyl'eth's body to assume control of the synapses and musculature. When she was finally able to sit up, she wept as she saw the shell that she'd left behind. It felt a little like being marooned and watching your boat drift out of your reach, only to sink before your eyes. The body of Narreth was dead and beginning to decompose quickly.

As a little strength returned to her, Narreth began to forage for food. Her short excursions brought her into contact with her large canine friend Tanre. But Tanre couldn't hear her thoughts anymore and didn't recognize her anymore either. Narreth was saddened to see that this had cost her the most wonderful friend. They parted and Narreth didn't dare to try to use Beyl'eth's wings, feeling somehow that the tiny life within her belly was very fragile at the moment. So she began to walk rather slowly, taking her time with things when she could.

That night, Narreth sat under a rock overhang and wept. She'd lost everything; her male, her sons for most of their lives, her life itself. She'd known Beyl'eth from the time that the girl had been an infant. Now as hard as she tried to tell, there was no other will or spirit in this body but hers, and now the hope of renewal was all that there was.

She couldn't go back and she couldn't abandon this body. She thought about her son and what she'd say to him, and then she realized that she couldn't just tell him that the spirit of his mother now inhabited the empty shell of his female. Ayt'han had been through a lot himself.

She realized that she was hungry and seeing a hare, she had no trouble doing what she needed to do and she thought about everything as she ate. To her, it was still very important that the Tarkroth not die out here. She wondered about it for a long time. If she assumed the identity of Beyl'eth, then the body that Ayt'han would be mating with ought to be able to produce offspring.

As she thought about it, the thought came to her that while she definitely would not have wanted to mate with her son in her own body, she was in someone else's body now and there wasn't a single thing of her in it with the exception of her consciousness. And if it happened, the Tarkroth would go on.

All that she had to do was one amazingly good job at playing the part of Beyl'eth from inside Beyl'eth's body.

That, and be ready to leave it if Beyl'eth came back to herself.

And if that didn't happen, she had to be prepared to give birth again when the pregnancy came to term.

And then she thought about being a mother again and to her surprise, she found that she wanted to experience it once more.

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In the event, there hadn't been very much in the way of acting required. She walked until she came to where he lived, but she found him waiting for her on a ridge and they embraced in the way of their people, him offering her the circle of his wings to stand inside as they embraced and talked. This was the way that it was done for their kind because of the harsh place where they were from. A female meeting a male which she knew in the snow and wind stood very close and was sheltered in his protection.

Narreth thought about it and she knew that when she and her male were beginning, they'd had their own troubles and she had gone off for short periods, though nothing like the frequency that Beyl'eth did. She knew that if she was to begin this acting career, then his female wouldn't only stand there if all was forgiven between them and so she thought about how to try to tell him if she had to.

Narreth expected that if they were past the difficulty, then at some point very soon, she could expect to feel his caress on her, but to her surprise, it didn't happen.

Ayt'han said the right words, asking that the matter be forgotten, but he didn't reach for her mound and though Narreth felt a little relieved at that, she was more than a little surprised. As they spoke in the wind on the ridge, she laid her head on his chest and shoulder so that they wouldn't have to yell and this was also normal. It was even normal for a mother and son when they spoke under these sorts of conditions. But as she listened to him, she was still puzzled. She tried to tell herself that whatever unusualness there had been in their greeting, they seemed to be moving past that and were back where this pair ought to have been, she thought as she looked up at him.

What she saw was his father in a younger day, so full of life and strength. She knew that there was power in him – enough to move mountains – she could feel it. He had all of the ability of his father the king and he carried what he'd inherited from her as well, the son of the most powerful Rohn witch that anyone had ever heard of. She saw a little bit of herself in his face and it made her smile a little. She'd given him life and she'd known him only seven years. After that, she had to live with the pain of a mother who missed her two sons every day over all of the years after that. In that time, she'd missed seeing him grow up. He stood holding her as almost a stranger by comparison.

Back home, if none of the cruel fate of their kind had happened, he'd have had his choice of any Tarkroth female. But she knew that he was bright enough to want a Rohn girl eventually, since he was to be king himself one day and it was required. It came to her that in his generation, he'd have found Beyl'eth then anyway, though she'd have made him work for her love, setting many tasks and challenges before she spread her legs for him the first time, even if he was the crown prince. Beyl'eth had even said as much to her once, saying that she'd gone very lightly on him because of where they were and the fact that there were no other Tarkroth males here.

Narreth was looking at his cheek and jaw when she realized that no matter what, he'd have been holding this body against his anyway. The only thing which would have prevented it was his disappearance as a boy. She'd remedied that herself and that fine male now held his female against him. It made her sad to think that it wasn't Beyl'eth here holding him, not inside, anyway. There was still no indication that the spirit of the girl was anywhere inside this body.

She decided that if things were better again between them, then Beyl'eth would tell him so and not with the words which she'd already spoken, so she reached for his hand and placed it onto her mound for him. It was going to add another layer to the things which she'd have to explain to him, but the way that he closed his eyes and pressed his head against hers so gently said so much to her. Beyl'eth had been gone for over a month this time – probably wanting to make him hurt, Narreth decided, knowing that Beyl'eth could be a hard-hearted bitch at times.

It was a damned shame to her, this fine couple who had managed to come together in spite of everything, only to have the troubles of any young pair made worse by what Narreth had thought of so often but had never told her kinswoman – that Bayl'eth was acting like a spoiled brat.

She wanted to comfort him – even before she attempted to tell him what had happened. She wanted to tell him how she thought that they could move ahead while they – and mostly her – waited for Beyl'eth to appear in here, inside the mind where she belonged. Narreth sighed, enjoying the way that his fingers caressed her. It had been so long and she still missed this.

She loved Ayt'han more than anything, and the things that he'd been through in his life, cast onto a world that he knew nothing of as a child, not even really remembering what he was and had been destined to become as he grew up alone with his brother – and then losing that brother as well.

Everything was sadness to her in a way. Everything was lost for him. He had been destined to be a mighty king ready to assume the mantle of his rule – but there was no one to rule anymore – not here, and not where they belonged. She felt her lips against his throat and she kissed it, wanting to comfort him. He even smelled like the male that she'd given her life for.

Narreth sighed as she reached to move his hand and she kissed his wet fingers for a moment before she slowly slid to her knees. She felt his wings move to keep her warm as she opened her mouth for him.

As she made love to him there; a Tarkroth female pleasing a male on a mountain ridge in the wind and snow of a winter night in Colorado, she didn't see the way that Ayt'han looked down in surprise. He loved Beyl'eth more than anything, but he knew her well, all the same. He'd never said it to her, but he knew that Beyl'eth could be a stuck-up snot at any time, and this – what she was doing for him now ...

His female often loved him in this way, but only on her terms. Only when she wanted him and only in one place – where they slept. He wondered what had happened to her to bring this on. Out here? Now? In this weather?

Beyl'eth would have never done it for him.

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After they'd gotten home and eaten the meal that he'd prepared, Narreth took him by the hand and led him to bed, tossing little flaming points of light around the chamber to make it well-lit. He was surprised, but he did as she asked and sat, waiting for her to tell him something. He could feel that there was something in her which needed to be said.

He expected to hear that she was sorry and he was prepared to repeat what he'd told her on the ridge. He was even expecting the possibility that she wouldn't want to mate with him that night, for whatever reason that Beyl'eth might have had which he would have just accepted, even though he'd think that she was just going right back to the way that she'd been before. It was a bit of a hallmark about her to him. Three quarters of the time, he loved her more than his life, but the remainder? He still loved her but he had no use for her then.

He was toying with the notion of listening to her as she laid out what he would do for her yet again, before he told her that he was tired of it all and that she could either be his female or she could fall off a cliff. The only thing which held him to her was their unborn child. He was more than prepared to be the best father that he could possibly be to that baby. But he was very slowly getting very tired of its mother and her nonsense.

But that wasn't what he heard from her at all. When she'd begun, they were sitting cross-legged in front of each other as she told him something that caused him to doubt his female's sanity. Then Narreth showed him things which Beyl'eth had no knowledge of, spoke of matters which he knew that his female knew nothing about – matters which had happened when he was a boy, before he'd been trapped and brought here with his brother.

She told him things about that brother what she couldn't possibly know- never having met him after he'd grown up. Ayt'han stared and after asking a few questions, he was lost as he tried to put this into place.

Then she told him what had happened to his female and he had trouble believing it and that it was not really Beyl'eth who was running that body in front of him.

They were silent for a time as Narreth thought of a way to prove it to him. She finally remembered something. When he'd been an infant, she'd had a bit of trouble getting him weaned – it had been far easier with his older brother Laish. So Narreth had come up with a little kissing game for her tiny boy to distract him. Once it had served its purpose, Narreth would still play it with Ayt'han when she put him to bed, even up to the time that he'd disappeared. No one knew of this. It had been just a bit of laughing nonsense between a young boy and his mother so long ago.

Narreth moved toward him then, coming on her hands and knees. He looked up curiously as she put her hands on his face and began the game of light little fleeting kisses in little patterns on his face, just as she'd done it before to make a little boy laugh and forget about squalling for his mother's breasts and the milk there which he no longer really needed.

Beyl'eth might have found out about this from his mother, he thought, but there was no way that she'd know the way to do this just as his mother had.

It had always made them both laugh back then, she remembered.

Such a shame that it didn't have that effect now.

Her son's eyes opened wide for a moment and then they both began to weep.

Hours later, they sat holding on to each other, thinking of what they'd each - and both lost. "On the ridge," he began, "why did you – "

"I did it because I wanted to do it," Narreth replied evenly, "I wanted to see if I could. I now know that I can."

"I don't know what I should do anymore," he said, "There is no purpose to anything for me now."

"Yes there is," Narreth said, sniffling, "and it is what we will do. I hope very much that your Beyl'eth returns from wherever she hides in this body now. I cannot feel her in here with me, but that is my hope. In the meantime, this body is with child – a Tarkroth child, Ayt'han. While I wait for Beyl'eth, I will carry this babe, and if it is to be my task to birth it for her, then I will.

We will do nothing until the babe is birthed," she said, "At least, I do not think that you will want to. I know that I can see past us to what must be, but I do not think that you are ready to. But you should think a little, Ayt'han. Think of what will need doing if this child is born. There will be room to make another, and another, and so on.

It may be that Beyl'eth never returns to us, so you should think on this as well. What I believe that you ought to do is seek another female for yourself if this gives you trouble. It is a thought," she said.

"You still have a female in me and you will make more young with me until such time as Beyl'eth returns. Inside here, in my heart, I am your mother, and though it is not our way for a son and his mother to pair, that is what we will do. I know that it has happened before in our history, though not anything such as this. That was between sons and a mother out of desperation, with no others for great distances after a calamity to a tribe reduced it to three people- a mother and her two children, and from that, and some time, and the meeting of others eventually, a tribe was reborn.

We do not have that and the body which holds you now is not the one which gave you life. That body lies in its grave under a broken mountain where we lived. Here, I seemed to grow a new body around me for a time, as strange and ... thin as it was. All that kept it together was my will, and when I left it to be in this body, that one passed into nothing even faster than a real one would have done."

She touched his face for a moment, "Inside here, I am your mother, and my life was a short one. But we are the only Tarkroth left if Beyl'eth does not return. The people must not be allowed to die out – not here – not in this place where there so much food and the weather is not as bad as where we are from.

You still have a female," she nodded, showing the determination that even he knew that she was famous for once, "And I will have a male again, at least for a time. You and I will go on, Ayt'han. We will breed and make more Tarkroth. There is nothing of the weakness of a common line here. The body which I wear shares a little blood with yours far off, but our babes will not have the risk of what might come to them from you breeding with your mother."

They looked at each other in silence for a time and then Narreth began to cry softly, for everything which had happened to them. He hugged her and cried again himself, and eventually, Narreth allowed the bright lights to fade out. As she lay there, she felt his arm reach around her from behind and she was glad that she still had that for the moment. She didn't know if he would accept her even still. She just enjoyed the comfort of his strength around her and closed her eyes.

A few hours before the dawn, Narreth felt his hand turn from where it had lain on her inner elbow as it moved to rest with its palm against her breastbone and she lifted it carefully for only a moment so that she could kiss it once before she put it back. There was only stillness then for a long moment before she felt him pull her against him tightly and she sighed.

"What am I to call you?" she heard him ask in a low whisper.

She turned her head to look at up him, "When Beyl'eth comes to herself, you will call her by her name," she whispered, "Until then, call me by my name. Like this, I am not 'mother' to you any longer. Call me Narreth."