A Birthday to Remember Ch. 04

The taxi pulled up outside the hotel. How had we got here so soon? My thoughts had taken me away, taken time away from me. I got out of the taxi the words; "She will hate me." Resonated around my head. I walked through the door I felt fuzzy a feeling of walking through thick fog each step seemed harder than the last. I made it to check in, David was already there I needed a drink before I saw him a strong drink. I went to the bar and ordered a whiskey, I don't like whiskey but I needed it. I drank it straight down and ordered another this time a large one. I drank that one straight down, I collected my thoughts my head felt a little clearer the whiskey having the desired effect. Time to see David he was waiting for me. I took the lift to the third floor and walked to the door and knocked. David opened the door stepping back to allow me to enter before closing it behind me. His arms held out to greet me, I looked at him, I couldn't do it. A surge of panic ran through my body, dropping my bags I looked around the room I needed to escape, I saw the open bathroom door I ran to it and locked it behind me. I was in floods of tears, Why was I crying? I knew why, my control was lost.

There was a knock on the door. "Helen are you alright? What's the matter?" He called out.

"Go away." I shouted through my tears.

"Helen open the door, what's the problem?"

"Leave me alone, get out of here."

David shouted, there was anger in his voice "Helen open the door now or I'll break it down."

"Fuck off! Just fuck off! Please." I screamed.

David's voice lowered "Have I done something wrong? Is there a problem with work?"

"Leave me alone, I don't want you here." I slid to the bathroom floor crying struggling to breathe.

"Helen talk to me whatever it is we can sort it out." His voice had calmed.

"No you can't." I screamed.

"Helen my darling yes we can."

"Don't call me that, get out get out of here." Why wouldn't he go? I didn't want him here.

"I'm sorry talk to me please."

"No, why won't you leave me alone?"

"I'm not leaving you, not in the state you're in. Something has happened I need to know I want to help you sort it out."

"You don't want to know, you can't help me, and no one can help me. Why did you ever do it? Why for me?"

I tried to think I couldn't a million thoughts running through my head, it was my fault, all my fault I had destroyed everything. I didn't want to hurt anyone but I had because I was a selfish bitch. I took what I wanted.

David was knocking on the door "Helen please I can't help you like this, talk to me."

I was angry, angry with him angry with Jen with Sally, the greatest anger directed to myself.

So he wants to know, he won't want to know but he won't leave me, what can I do to make him go away? I could think of only one way I'll tell him I'll tell him what he doesn't want to know I'll tell him the truth. "Last night I made love to Jen. I fucked your soon to be ex wife and now I've fallen in love with her. I don't want you I don't want anyone else I just want her. Everyone will hate me, Jen will hate me I've destroyed her life, her marriage." I couldn't control myself I lay on the bathroom floor curled up, my body trembling with fear, it was cold I was cold I didn't care I wanted this to all go away I want to be anywhere than here I only wanted to be with her. Together our worries would leave. I would give her anything everything her heart desired. I cared only for Jen I loved only Jen but she would never care for me nor love me.

How long I lay there I don't know, outside was quiet David didn't reply to my confession. My muscles ached I tried to move to stand up but slipped over. I tried again managing to pull myself onto the toilet. I sat there for a while stunned, confused and scared. Somehow and some point I had wet myself, I didn't remember doing it my skirt and jacket now ruined. I stood up and stumbled to the door, I could hear my phone ringing as I opened the bathroom door the ringing stopped. The room was empty except for my bags where I had dropped them. I walked into the room grabbing support where I could find it not knowing whether my legs would hold me. David had gone his clothes his possessions his case with him. I knew I would never see him again. I made it over to the bed my clothes felt horrible I managed to remove them left in a pile by the bed; I needed to shower but knew I wouldn't make it. My phone rang again, who was it? I could hear the ringing but where was the phone? Soon it went quiet again.

I fell on the bed, I was still cold, I pulled the duvet over me, but it offered no warmth. My crying intensified, I thought of Jen how could I be in love with her? One night we spent together now I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. This isn't reality, maybe in a film it happens but not in true life but it does happen it's happening to me. Those films always have a happy ending true life does not. I must speak to her, I must tell her about my feelings, I could phone her now. No I can't do that I must tell her to her face she deserves that, she deserves so much more than me. I heard the sound of my phone, was it the third or fourth time? I didn't know I just wanted to sleep I closed my eyes I never wanted my eyes to open again.

"I'm so sorry my darling Jen."