A Correspondence with Sharon Ch. 02byrivertown_rat©
Oct 10/08/08 4:59 AM
I'm glad you find me fascinating. What I suspect is that it is my raw honesty that is the basic source of your fascination. I'm also fascinated with you and this dialogue we have begun. My fascination is with the intelligence, patience, and understanding, you have demonstrated. Most men would only be concerned with the sexual aspects of my experiences and very few men would have the patience to attempt to understand the underlying causes. You are different in that respect.
As I told you before, I very much appreciate the opportunity you have given me to tell my story. Your suspicions are correct, this discourse could not be taking place without the anonymous nature of E-mail. I would never even consider telling these things in a voice conversation and would be far too embarrassed to even consider speaking face to face with anyone about it. E-mail does provide a vehicle that allows me to convey my experiences without the associated embarrassment and social stigma attached to an open discussions of those experiences. I agree, Thank God for E-mail!!
I'm a bit surprised that you only find women a mystery some of the time. It has always been the stated goal of the female gender to remain a complete mystery to men. That keeps you guys constantly on your toes. Don Quiote fought windmills and men fight to understand women. Both are fighting a hopeless battle.
You do seem to have an understanding of this situation and perhaps it is your own near affair that has given you some incite. I still don't fully understand my own motivations. When I try, I feel like I'm searching for an excuse for my poor judgement. That in fact is the bottom line. Regardless of my reasons for doing what I did, I demonstrated very poor judgement. I was definitely lonely and horny but it was poor judgement that got me into the mess.
I appreciate the fact that you shared your own experience with your near affair. From the situation you described, I see her looking for some out of town "fun". Yes women do that too. I have a friend who tells her husband every year that she is going to the state bowling tournament. She does in fact go to the city the tournament is being held in but she doesn't bowl. Instead she meets a guy from another part of the state for a weekend of sex. She calls it her annual stress relief weekend. Other then that, this girl would never even consider having an affair. For one weekend she can be someone other then the person she is the rest of the year. For her it is safe, forbidden "fun". My impression of your situation is that she was looking for the same thing.
I also noticed a similarity between us. You work as a software engineer and at that time, I worked for a software company.
Now for your questions and then I would like to continue my saga.
Was jay also trying to punish me for not leaving Joey?
Answer: Yes he was. I believe he felt a certain anger about my rejection of his marriage ideas. It irritated him that he was willing to give up everything for me and I wasn't willing to give up anything for him. In a way, he felt humiliated by my refusal to carry our relationship to the next level. That was a major motivation in his desire to humiliate me. In the beginning, he held me up on a pedestal. I was smarter, prettier, and more of a lady then any woman he had ever known. Those were his words. When he realized I wasn't interested in a committed relationship with him, it was as if I were saying that he wasn't good enough for me. In fact, he wasn't, but I never told him that. He then did his very best to reduce me to the level of a tramp and he did a very through job of it.
Another thing of note here is that right up to the very end, Jay continuously put down Joey as not being a man because a real man would be taking care of his wife. I clearly remember one time when Jay blasted his cum all over my face and hair. Then he made the comment "Look at Joey's pretty wife now". I mentioned that because it demonstrates the resentment he felt about me staying with Joey.
Was Lee completely unaware? Did she give Jay some unspoken permission?
Lee was not completely unaware. She was very aware of the flirting that went on between us. She was also aware of the fact that there was something between us. What she wasn't aware of was the extent of our involvement. Until the very end, she did not know we were having sex together. At least that is what she claimed. In my opinion, I think she knew there was more going on but decided to turn a blind eye to it. Jay was her husband and I was her key employee. Recognizing the situation would ultimately cause her personal and professional problems that she didn't want to face.
I agree with you that she had to know. She just didn't want to face it. There were countless times when she witnessed things and either laughed them off or ignored it all together. Jay would sometimes hug me right in front of her. Lee would laugh it off by saying "Break it up you two, we have work to do". Another time, the three of us were in Lee's office. Lee was at her computer and Jay and I were behind her. Jay put his arm around my waist and reached up to feel my breast. Lee unexpectedly turned her head toward us and clearly saw where his hand was. Without saying a word, she turned back to her computer as if she saw nothing. I knew differently. Yet another time, Lee came looking for Jay and barged into my office unannounced. Jay was there and my blouse was completely unbuttoned but nothing was going on. (It already had) Lee said to Jay "I knew I would find you here" and told him she needed him for something. Not a word was said about my blouse and there was no denying that she saw it open.
You mentioned permission. Jay would often tell me that Lee didn't care what we did together. He would use some of the examples I just told you about as proof that he was telling the truth. Jay would tell me that to relieve my concerns about losing my job as a result of our affair. He was trying to prove that it was OK for us to have an affair. He also said that Lee did in fact give us permission to fool around. I never believed that but he was very convincing. When he told me about Lee going both ways sexually, he stressed that she actually wanted the three of us in bed together. He said that several times but I always thought it was more his fantasy then hers. looking back now, I'm not as sure as I was then. I believe Lee was completely unaware in the beginning but not so unaware as things progressed.
You said "At one point you thought Lee was interested in you as well".
I want to comment on that. I'm certain that Lee was interested. There were several things she did, insinuated, and sometimes said that leaves me with that conclusion. I could give you several examples and especially the trip the three of us made to DC that would prove my point but It is better if I save that for later.
Have I considered that Jay was pressuring Lee for more sex and she allowed things to go on to relieve the pressure?
That was definitely not the case. As I stated earlier, Lee didn't want a confrontation that would cost her, her husband and key employee. Lee enjoyed sex and I doubt she would have to be pressured to do it with anyone including her husband
What was the first thing he did or demanded that I considered an escalation of our relationship?
I had to really stop and think here. Again, thank god for e-mail. If this were a conversation, I wouldn't have had an immediate answer. This may not be the answer you are looking for but after thinking about it, the very first thing was nude photography.
Jay was always a photography buff. It was his hobby. He had several professional cameras and even his own dark room. He was never without a camera and often took pictures around the office. It wasn't just me. He photographed everyone. Actually he was really quite good. Some of his nature photographs were fantastic.
It wasn't very long into our relationship when he expressed a desire to photograph me doing a sexy pose. I didn't want to but saw no real harm in it, so I did it. From there, it was pictures with a button opened or my skirt hiked a little higher then it should be. Still it was harmless. That was at the very beginning of our relationship.
After sex between us began to get more frequent, Jay wanted to photograph me nude. I staunchly refused. It wasn't as if the idea didn't have a certain appeal to me. Actually, I thought it would be rather exciting. I had never done anything like that before and the forbidden nature of it did have a certain appeal. My objections were for more practical reasons. I wasn't proud of this affair and had no desire to have a permanent record of it that the pictures would provide. Then there was the possibility of Lee finding the pictures and everything blowing up. I also had to consider that he might show those pictures to friends or other employees. For those reasons, I felt obliged to refuse.
Jay was sure that I would agree to the nude pictures and was very disappointed when I said no. This was something that he really wanted. He began pressuring me to do it. I still wouldn't. Jay never did like the word no and especially when it involved something he really wanted. Then one Tuesday night, he took a picture of me naked in Lee's office. I wasn't even aware he had taken the picture. Sure he had a camera with him that night but he always had a camera with him. It never moved off of Lee's desk so I'm assuming he had it positioned to where he could just push the button to get his pic.
A few days later, Jay came into my office and dropped the picture on my desk. To say the least, I was shocked and furious that he had taken it without my permission. I tore the picture up and scolded him harshly for taking it. I was very angry and let him know it. At that point, I still felt as if I had some control over our affair. Everything between us had been mutually consensual.
Nothing more would happen that day and it wasn't until the next week when Jay appeared in my office with another copy of that nude picture of me that things happened. I had been refusing Jay's sexual advances since I found out about that picture. For the first time ever, Jay gave me an ultimatum by saying "You know, I could show this around the office". From knowing Jay and the way he said it, I had no doubt that he would. Again, I was furious. I asked why he would do that. He answered by saying that if I let him take more nude pictures of me, He would keep them all private. I told him that I would have to think about it.
He asked me again at the end of the day and I told him I would do it but only with the promise that the pictures would remain strictly for his personal viewing and he could assure me Lee would never find them. It was two weeks later that I met him at the office on a Saturday afternoon for the express purpose of letting him take nude pictures of me. It was exciting to do it and a turn on for both of us. I think it was the fact that I was already leaning toward letting him take the pictures that made up my mind to let him do it. What I didn't realize then but is clear now is that it was at that point that I lost all control over our affair. From then on, Jay would control it. I no longer had the luxury of saying no.
What was the first thing I just refused to do that caused Jay to threaten or force me to do?
I guess what I told you about with the pictures was really the first thing I did because I was threatened. I'm sure you mean the first sexual thing I refused and that is a different answer. I refused a lot of relatively minor requests but let him have his way because I knew an unspoken threat was there. Of course the pictures he had of me were always a threat but it was the ever present threat of losing my job, my marriage, and my lifestyle, as well as public and private humiliation I would have to endure. None of those threats existed until I refused to leave Joey for him. It was only then that he made it abundantly clear that If I didn't please him, I would lose everything.
One of the things I refused was when Jay decided that he wanted to have anal sex with me. I wouldn't even do that with my husband and that only made him want it more. I didn't like it but he got his way. Another thing he knew I disliked but insisted upon doing was cumming on my face. He did that a lot. There were actually several things like that he insisted upon and I did or allowed.
The thing that stands out the most with me was when he told me to let his brother have sex with me. I refused but he made it very clear I was to do as I was told. His brother had sex with me and on more then one occasion. That happened near the end. I'll have more to say about that later unless you want to know now.
I wanted to continue my story but I've run out of time. I'll start another e-mail with more on that.
Any more questions?