A Cubicle Conversation Ch. 17

San Antonio Express News
Friday, September 23rd, 2006

 

Alamo Exhibitionists Apprehended

Tip from informant leads to arrests.

By Mary Ann Barrentos
San Antonio Express News

San Antonio – Working on a tip from a suspect apprehended earlier in the week, San Antonio police officers have arrested Carla Anton and Angela Castillo in connection to the scandalous sexual activity in the Chapel area of the Alamo early Wednesday morning. The San Antonio police working together with the Department of Homeland Security, and the Universal City Police Department surrounded the Motel 69 in Universal City, a suburb of San Antonio. Upon confirming the suspects’ room number, officers knocked on the door and arrested them without incident when they answered the door.

Homeland Security joined the search following information that the “Alamo Exhibitionists” were the same group who were witnessed having sex inside the secure area of the St. Louis Airport and on two flights from St. Louis to San Antonio. In a concerted effort to keep the skies save and free of terrorists, the Homeland Security agents immediately had moved the suspects to the top of their “most wanted” list.

One agent said: “It’s this kind of subversive activity that we must fear the most and we will continue working to keep the skies safe.” He also noted that they were particularly interested in the lubricants used on the aircraft and in the secured area in St. Louis Airport.

“The one woman, apparently had masturbated two males simultaneously while in flight and I know when I do that I use a lot of lube. The activity of the other woman and her male accomplice in the aircraft restroom is of some interest too.” The male accomplice mentioned is apparently Ralph Ranton, who was arrested and released earlier in the week by San Antonio Police. He has subsequently been arrested by Homeland Security on federal terrorism related charges.

When asked if perhaps the couple in the restroom didn’t just use the woman’s natural lubrication the agent simply replied, “I wouldn’t know about that.”

In other related news, it appears that Osama bin Laden actually traveled to the United States this past week to visit, of all things, Disneyland. He passed through all airport security using his own passport, went to Disneyland, got a picture with Mickey Mouse and then returned to Afghanistan without incident. When asked why airport security didn’t stop him, they replied: “Well, he wasn’t carrying any liquids and who would have sex with that old guy?” See related story on page E-14.

 

From: Marcus Thornton
To: Ralph Ranton, Carla Anton
CC: Angela Castillo

Subject: What is happening?

Attachments:
Sent: September 24th, 2006 9:01:12 am CDT

_____________________________
______________________________________

Ralph, Carla, Angie,

What is going on? I heard something in the news about arrests, but when I tried to reach you in San Antonio I get nothing. I even called the San Antonio Police and the Universal City Police(,) but got nothing. Both of them said they didn’t have you in custody. Where are you? Do you need money or anything? Let me know.

Marcus

 

San Antonio Express News
Monday, September 25rd, 2006

 

Alamo Exhibitionists Accomplice?

Homeland Security investigates a fourth conspirator.

By Mary Ann Barrentos
San Antonio Express News

San Antonio – A Department of Homeland Security spokesperson said yesterday that they are looking for a fourth conspirator apparently connected with the Alamo Exhibitionists and their reign of sexual terror. In email messages found on suspect Ralph Ranton’s computer, it appears the group has been either supported or directed by another conspirator.

“We are currently pursuing a man who is perhaps the ringleader in this cell. We found some very incriminating emails where the sexual exploits of the terrorists were described in great detail. We are especially interested in the types of lubricant used.” When asked what was all this about the lubricant, the agent indicated that he could not answer on grounds of national security.

In a related incident, it appears that Osama bin Laden not only visited Disneyland on his recent stop in the United States, he also went to an air show where he got the opportunity to fly along in a B-2 bomber. After expressing his interest in the stealth technology, he was directed to a line of people waiting to fly along in the bomber.

Sitting in the co-pilot’s seat he was actually allowed to take the plan on some maneuvers and even jokingly asked, “Which way do I turn to fly to the White House?” After returning to the show he thanked the pilot and then asked where he might find some lubricant.

When asked about letting bin Laden fly the aircraft the pilot replied, “It was perfectly safe, we had no nuclear weapons aboard.” When questioned further he replied, “Well yes, we had a couple of five hundred ton 'bunker busters' but that was just for show. Like I said there were no nuclear weapons aboard." See related story on page E – 28.

 

San Antonio Express News
Wednesday, September 27rd, 2006

 

Fourth Conspirator Arrested

Ringleader of Alamo Exhibitionist Cell.

By Mary Ann Barrentos
San Antonio Express News

Atlanta, Ga. – Homeland Security agents arrested Marcus Thornton at his place of business on terrorism related charges Tuesday afternoon. Reportedly the leader of the Alamo Exhibitionists Cell was at his desk frantically trying to reach his co-conspirators. He went into custody without incident.

When asked about the arrest, an agent said: “Prior to his arrest we searched his apartment and found this,” he said, holding up a small, clear tube. When asked what it was they found he replied: “Lubricant.”

The four suspects are reportedly on their way to the Guantanamo Bay detention center for further questioning. Homeland Security agents kept the lubricant as evidence.