A Cuckold's Diary Ch. 04

Chapter 4 - Not Hard

INTRODUCTION

The dictionary defines "cuckold" as "a man with an unfaithful wife." I've read many "hot wife" stories, and visited all the cuckold web sites, but it is clear that people have many of their own definitions of a cuckold.

It has been my deepest fantasy to be cuckolded by my wife, and she had fulfilled that fantasy for me. We love each other very much, and it has been a long and sensitive process to find a place where both of us are comfortable.

If you are uncomfortable with cuckolding, or if you want to define it to mean something else, that is your choice. We'd appreciate your not flaming us for taking the dictionary seriously!

Paul & Sally

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I couldn't even get hard. No, this is not an ad for Viagra; it is what happened when my wife Sally's new lover left us alone in the hotel room, after their first "date" together. Let me start at the beginning...

You may have read the stories and seen the pictures of Sally and her first lover, Ted. That affair went on - with my blessing, and with me watching most of it - for several months, until they parted ways. Sally was hesitant about taking another lover; she may have been a "hot wife" with Ted, but she's still basically a VERY good girl, and somehow, having a lover does not fit easily with her self-image! Nevertheless, after a lot of thought and discussion, she agreed to "go shopping" once again - with the understanding that, as always, she could bail out at any time.

We put our ad on the various swingers' web sites - again "looking for a gentleman." You would be absolutely amazed how many men think that a response which begins, "I've got a huge slab of meat to stick in you and make you squirm..." is being a gentleman! So, 90% of the responses got deleted without even bothering to say "no, thank you," not because we're rude, but just because their emails were so crude. The other 10% got letters back from Sally. Two of those led to meeting for a meal together, and one - a gentleman named Ty - got a nervous, but excited, thumbs-up from my wife.

What made her choose him? First of all, Sally thinks that intelligence is very, very sexy (that's why she's in love with me, right?), and Ty was both intelligent and worldly. Our lunchtime discussion ranged from politics (national and international) to philosophy to authors to music to life; he wasn't showing off, just enjoying the conversation. Second, he was not from the East Coast - in fact, he is the closest thing to a cowboy either of us has met. Finally, he was not the least bit pushy... a huge plus for a nervous woman! On the way home from lunch, Sally decided she liked him enough to make a date.

Ty is divorced and lives alone, and he invited us to his house. For her comfort, Sally preferred a hotel, so that is where I made a reservation. (You know, it doesn't take much to get me going; I LOVE making a hotel reservation for my wife to take another man to bed!) Since Sally was exceptionally nervous in anticipation of their date, we didn't talk about it much during the week leading up to it. The night before the date, I watched with great excitement as she shaved her legs (paying inordinate attention to the top of her legs, which can only be seen by someone who is between them!), and she allowed me to put red nail polish on her toenails. The treat for me was that she was nude while I was doing that; since we had stopped having sex a week before the date, this was the closest I had gotten to her body in quite some time, and it was the closest I WOULD get until after her new lover was finished...

She slept well that night. I had an erection that just wouldn't stop, so sleep was not the main thing on my mind.

The next day we went about our work, as her date was for 8 p.m. It was one of the longest days I can remember, though I was doing my best to keep my expectations in check. I really wanted her to know that she had "veto power" at any time, and it would not help to have me panting in anticipation if she changed her mind. Finally the time came, and we got in the car for the 1-hour drive. The first half-hour she talked about anything other than the date; in fact, she was so hyper that she didn't stop talking at all. When she realized that she had done a 30-minute monologue, she calmed down a little and began thinking about the man we were going to meet. When we got into the hotel room I asked her if she was wet, and she said no; she was too nervous to have that reaction. We turned on the TV and waited; it was only a few minutes before he knocked on the door, and Sally jumped a good two feet.

I relate all this as background, because it is what I expected from my wife: the nervousness, the insecurity, the questions about whether to go through with this or not. What happened for the rest of the night, and in the days since... that I did NOT expect.

I answered the door, and invited Ty in. I poured them each a glass of wine, and we all sat down. I did my best to be polite, but to leave the conversation between the two of them. The conversation went well... and went, and went. Sally and Ty seemed to cover the entire world again, he really is an excellent conversationalist. After about 45 minutes, I got fidgety; I began to wonder if they would just talk until saying goodnight! So, with a few not-so-subtle gestures to Sally to think about getting things going, she admitted to Ty that she wanted to get started, but was nervous.

To my surprise, he did not try to get past her anxiety by making the first move. Instead, he got her to talk about everything that was making her nervous. She talked about wondering whether he would find her attractive, whether he would find her a good partner, and even about STD's. He responded to each question with compassion, concern and a wonderful sense of humor, taking nearly a half-hour to do so. Finally, when Sally realized that she wasn't worried any more, she got up, took his hand, brought him close and kissed him.

Even from my perspective, I could see him molding himself to her body. He ran his fingers through her hair (she loves that), along her cheek, down her neck. They kissed again and again, and their hands gradually explored more of the other's body. Very quickly, Sally suggested that taking off her dress would make things much easier for him; she turned her back toward him (facing me), raised her arms over her head, and he slid her dress up and off her body. She turned back to kiss him, and in less than a minute he had her bra and panties on the floor. He offered her a massage, which she happily accepted. She laid on her stomach on the bed, and taking the oil in his hands, he began with her shoulders.

I expected this to go on for a while; after all, he had been marvelously patient in talking with her. But within a short time, he was "massaging" between her legs, and she was making sounds of pleasure with each new touch. She quickly rolled over to offer her breasts to him. While he was busy with this new delight, she reached over and undid his pants; he paused only long enough to remove his underwear, and returned to the massage. It was she who pulled him down onto her, wrapping her arms around him and locking him in a passionate embrace. Suddenly, things were happening very quickly - and she was setting the pace!

They rolled around on the bed for just a short while, until she got on top of him and I got my first shock of the evening: While she had not been at all wet just before he arrived, her pussy was now gaping open! I don't really know how to describe it, except to say that it looked like she had just been having sex for hours. Her pussy lips were red, swollen and actually hanging down; her vagina was so wide open that, sitting at the end of the bed, I could see well up inside her, and her own lubrication was glistening on her skin and on her pubic hair. I still have that image before my eyes: my "good girl" wife really wanted his cock in her - bodies don't lie!

I was surprised that she slid him inside her with hardly any foreplay, until I realized that the entire hour and more had been her foreplay. She SAID intelligence was sexy - evidently, she really meant it! I sat in my chair at the foot of the bed, and watched his penis disappear inside my wife. His moans of pleasure told me he was enjoying what I had not felt in a week.

He was not particularly large - about the same size as I am. Sally had enjoyed her previous lover's larger cock, and told me over and over how he made her feel things I never could, since I was smaller. I had always gotten off on that; watching a man with a larger cock take my wife was definitely a turn-on for me, and I enjoyed the sounds she made when he reached deep inside her. Afterward, when her first lover was finished, I would stick my penis in her and feel... well, feel hardly anything, as he had stretched her out sufficiently to make me feel even smaller. No matter - when I got inside her, and felt nothing, I came almost immediately.

But now, something was different. Ty was not bigger, nor wider, yet Sally was whimpering, gasping and making surprised sounds of pleasure which I have never heard - either with me or with her first lover. I watched with excitement mixed with puzzlement as he made love to her: the sight of his penis sliding in and out, his hands holding her breasts and bringing her nipples to his mouth... it all looked the same - and very exciting - yet somehow different.

It takes Sally a long time to cum, though anyone with the patience to help her get there is rewarded with the sight and feel and sounds of a truly earth-shattering orgasm. Ty was in no hurry at all as he explored her body, finding what places to touch and what words to say - quietly, so her husband could not hear - that would urge her on. He alternated between kissing her and sucking on her nipple - a combination which she loves dearly - and he kept sucking as she bucked and spasmed through her massive orgasm. Of course, I had seen her cum before... but was this one more intense than I knew, or was it just my different vantage point?

Once she came, she drew him on top of her, thrust her legs up in the air, and with her hands on his back, drove him into her. She began telling him to cum in her (so much for the condoms she asked me to buy!), and he asked if she was sure. "Oh, God, yes. I want to feel you cum in me NOW!" she gasped. His pace quickened, and he began groaning as his body tightened. I watched as he orgasmed, his body jerking; I listened to her moans of pleasure, and I saw his muscles contract over and over, as he poured his semen into her body.

When he was finished they remained in each other's arms, and his softening penis remained inside her. From time to time each would jerk with an "after-shock" which they both clearly enjoyed, and they kissed and touched each other for... for who knows how long?

With a little break in the action, I noticed something curious. On previous "dates," I was hard as a rock from the first moment to the last; now, as they cuddled together in front of me, with him caressing her breasts and her hands roaming all over his body, I realized that I was having trouble staying hard. I chalked it up to a week without sex followed by this intense scene, and didn't think much more of it.

I expected they would stop for a while, and I was looking forward to Sally telling me how she felt and how he felt to her, but it didn't happen. Without so much as a look in my direction, their kissing increased in intensity, the gentle caresses turned into more serious touching, and soon Sally was stroking his penis with her hand and kissing its head. She took the head in her mouth, and then she swallowed all of it, as I watched it harden in her mouth. Not 10 minutes since he came, and already getting hard again - not bad for a middle-aged guy!

After his body began shaking in response to her mouth, he turned her on her back and, lying beside her, he slid his cock into her again. I watched him do this, and that is the second image that remains fixed in my mind: I saw this man slide his penis into my wife's waiting, willing pussy. I know I've seen it before, and maybe one day it won't get to me the way it does each time (boy, I hope not!), but damn, that was exciting to see. As soon as he slid into her, his cock was covered with a combination of their juices, and it glistened each time he pulled part-way out. Clearly, I wasn't the only one who was excited!

Sally again made noises of pleasure and surprise, as he fucked her in one position after another. When her first lover had done this, I explained to her that his greater size made it possible for him to do things I just couldn't, and Sally seemed to accept that. Now, this man was working with basically the same equipment as mine, and doing things that I told her couldn't be done. I hoped she hadn't really noticed that, but my hopes disappeared when Ty told her how wet she felt and she responded, "I'm not usually like that." She noticed, all right.

Trying to describe their position, I realize that he was beside her, in her, around her and all over her. Later, Sally told me he felt like a man dying of thirst, and she was the water he needed; he was everywhere, seemingly at the same time. She marveled at how he molded himself to her body, and it was true; the body I know so well and a body I had never seen before seemed inseparable. Her sounds of pleasure continued, intensified and became ever-newer sounds - sounds I had not heard in nearly 20 years of making love to my wife.

Ty came again, with Sally's encouraging words and hungry body. I sat in my chair, masturbating furiously, as he grunted and groaned and ejaculated in her. I have always loved the sound of her lover cumming in her; it is one of those moments of absolute cuckolding, as she draws him to the heights of ecstasy and he adds his body to hers. On previous dates, it had been all I could do to keep from cumming when her lover came, but this time... this time was different. Along with the sounds of his orgasm were *her* sounds of pleasure - not orgasm, but sounds of deep, emotional satisfaction as she made him cum in her. She seemed thrilled that he came, as if it was a precious gift from him to her. By the time he finished they were again talking softly, and my own cock was soft in my hand.

I guess you can say they took a break at this point, but they did not sit up, or look at me, or have a drink. They held each other, talking softly, touching gently, and kissing constantly. By now I was just plain frustrated that they had not given me the courtesy of an acknowledgment or shared any of their thoughts and feelings; this wasn't nearly as much fun as her previous dates. I chalked it up to newness, and I didn't interrupt; I figured that if Sally had a good enough time, she would want to see him again. We could always get into that stuff next time.

After about a half-hour of talking, Sally gently put her head on his stomach and started gently kissing his penis. I don't think she expected anything; it was more affection than sex. Yet, Ty responded by getting hard again, and she continued her gentle fellatio for a long time. Then he whispered something to her, and she laid on her back, spread her legs, and he got on top of her. This sex was short, gentle and very romantic, and I got to marvel at the wonderful sight of my beautiful, classy wife with her feet in the air, her legs wrapped around another man's body. The only loud or abrupt sounds were when Ty came in her; he left no doubt, even for me, that he was ejaculating in my wife!

After another long embrace, Sally finally looked at me and asked how I was doing. "Fine," I replied, and I asked her how it was. "Wonderful," was her answer, as she turned to kiss him again.

After talking about getting together again, Ty said it was time to leave. He dressed, Sally walked him to the door, and with another gentle but passionate kiss, she said goodbye.

Sally came back to me, told me to get the vibrator, and got into bed. I held the vibrator on her pussy, and asked her to tell me what she had felt. She said he was great and emphasized, over and over, that he was far better than I. She said he was a wonderful lover, not just sex partner. She admitted that she really LIKED him, which made the sex even more fun. She talked about his hunger for her, his molding himself to her body, his constant attention both in conversation and in lovemaking... and yes, he really was better, even though he wasn't bigger!

I asked her (as diplomatically as possible; I wasn't there to criticize) why she had not spoken with me, or even acknowledged me, during the whole time she was in bed with him. "I thought you like it when I ignore you," she said. "Well, yes, I do," I answered, "buy you really, REALLY ignored me. Did you do that to turn me on?"

She smiled, obviously thinking back to their lovemaking, and said, "No, actually I didn't. I was just having too good a time to interrupt, and I really didn't think about you very much at all." She paused. "Does that bother you?" "No, not at all," I said, but I wasn't sure if that was completely true.

(Important aside: after each date with Ted, I asked Sally if she wanted to do it again, or if she would like to stop. She always accepted the openness of my offer, and after a few days' thought, would tell me it would be fine to see him again. You'll see why this is relevant...)

As she got closer and closer to cumming, I sensed that there was something else she wanted to say. I didn't want to push, so I just held her and kept pressing with the vibrator. Then, as she was almost "there" - I was sucking on her nipple, the way she loves - she whispered, "Will you let me see him again?" I looked up at her face; she looked like a schoolgirl who just told a boy she likes him, and was waiting for a response. I stopped sucking just long enough to say, "Yes," and by the time my mouth found its way to her nipple again, she was cumming like a wild woman. The orgasm went on forever, and I held on, trying to keep the vibrator in place and my mouth on her breast. While I knew that I had done all the right things to make her cum, I had the suspicion that I was not the reason why she came so hard.

After she recovered, she asked me to get on top of her. I reached for the K-Y, but she said I wouldn't need it; she was plenty wet inside! I said it wasn't for that; I wasn't very hard, and I needed a little lubrication to get ready. I was surprised how long it took me to get hard; this time I assumed it was because I had been masturbating for a good 3 hours without a break, and even though I hadn't cum, even that muscle can get tired after a while! Finally, I was hard enough to enter her.

She didn't feel stretched out, as she had with Ted; she felt almost normal, although completely wet and slippery inside. I thought about how he had done all that with a cock no bigger than mine. I thought about her paying no attention to me at all during their lovemaking. I thought about her question, "Will you let me see him again?" And for the life of me, I could not stay hard.

I tried twice more, but each time my cock just deflated when I got inside her. I took the K-Y, lubricated my cock, and masturbated as I kneeled between her legs. Just as I was about to cum, she looked at me and said, "I really like him." Four days' worth of cum, hours and hours of excitement, and a new, growing sense of jealousy erupted into a huge orgasm. Sally smiled, rolled over, and went to sleep.

It has been a week now, and I've had the chance to evaluate what happened, what I felt, and what I feel. What happened, it turns out, is that I was truly, genuinely cuckolded for the first time. The dictionary defines "cuckold" as "a man with an unfaithful wife" and that, for a few hours last week, is what my wife was. Previously, she had SEX with Ted; she enjoyed it tremendously, and she also knew that she was doing it because I begged her to do it. So, even in bed with him, she was thinking of me. But this was different: she stopped thinking about me somewhere during the latter part of their conversation, and by the time she laid down in bed, she was doing it for herself. She ignored me because she was too busy, too involved with another man. She didn't think about me because he had all her attention and all her affection. She came in his arms because he made her feel so good, and she made him cum because she wanted to make him feel good.