A Difference in Politics Ch. 02

Walking inside, Lauren placed her helmet on the sofa, and continued to follow Ryan. "Indeed, but I didn't have much to say, considering I did not know how I felt," Lauren confessed speaking as honest as possible.

Ryan came to a halt in the kitchen where he opened the refrigerator and pulled out two cans of coke. Motioning for Lauren to sit down in the chair beside him, he handed her a can, and sighed, "I suppose you have a reason for banging on my door at this time?"

Ryan seemed to be calm. He was staring at her, and it took all of Lauren's self-control not to betray herself by giving in. People in control did not bend. They stood their ground and accomplished their goals. This was what Lauren thought as she continued to stare coolly at Ryan as though he did not affect her, when in all actuality her insides were bubbling with a bottomless panic accompanied by guilt.

Opening the can, Lauren took a sip before muttering more to herself than Ryan, "I didn't realize I had to have a reason to visit a friend." Looking up at the popcorn ceiling Lauren drew pictures in it to take her mind off the anger that was sure to come because fear made Lauren angry.

"Visiting a friend," he snorted. "You're far from acting like a friend, Lauren," he chided spitting her name out as though it was a disease, "I'm surprised you can comprehend the meaning of friendship."

Slamming down her can so that a bit of her coke spilled over, "You are rude," she hissed through clenched teeth.

"Now tell me something I don't know." Staring into her, "Are you going to say I'm heartless, arrogant, and condescending? Or do you have new words to enhance your already limited vocabulary?" he taunted coldly.

"Back to the childish insults. I thought we were past that," she snarled coldly. Shifting in her chair Lauren did the only thing she could do, she glared at him. Her face and neck were hot with anger, and it was taking all of her self control not to punch Ryan's arrogant self in the mouth. How could she be so retarded to think that she could ever savage anything between her and a man as heartless and conceited as Ryan?

Rolling his eyes, Ryan leaned back in his seat and snapped, "I'm not able to speak freely?"

"Like you would ever consider censoring yourself to spare the feelings of someone else," laughing cruelly, "You don't consider anyone's feelings."

Throwing his arms in the air, "What a hypocrite you are!"

Lauren was passed mad. She was seething, and she was surprised steam was not blowing from her head similar to an old cartoon character. She did not come here to be insulted, but here she was being snubbed as though she was worth no more than a two-dollar hooker on a street corner.

Gripping all the self-control over her actions she could muster, Lauren acted with words, "Oh fuck you Ryan," eyes blazed she continued, "did you really care?" Anger was swelling up inside of her giving her the inability to see straight, but seeing Ryan did not matter much because hearing him was so much more important, "Or is it your pride that's hurt?

And now it seemed to be Ryan's turn to become angry. His gray eyes had turned a darker shade, they were cold, hard, and as flat as a lake without waves, "Oh yeah because I'm such the heartless bastard!"

"Nothing that you don't portray yourself to be," Lauren spat, "and I didn't come here to be insulted, so save the insults."

"So why the hell did you come here, or have you decided yet to tell me?"

"I wanted to talk about what happened," hushing him up with a hand before he could say anything to make her too mad to continue she hurried, "Look Ryan, I just wanted to explain to you that we were both a little drunk," continuing hesitantly, "and I'm sure you've had a lot of drunken nights with a lot of girls."

Lowering her eyes so that she was not looking at him, Lauren fiddled with the necklace that she was wearing before saying, "Come on Ryan, I've heard of your reputation," looking up at him, she continued in a harder tone, "so please don't pull the innocent and hurt act with me." Looking up at the ceiling again, Lauren noted the pretty fairy that was dangling from a tree. Lauren wished she could be as free as that fairy seemed to be, floating high in the sky, never having to land for its wings would carry it to its hearts destination.

"What do you want me to say, that I haven't hooked up with women before?" Ryan's eyes were cloudy, a shady that Lauren could not place. His back was stiff, and his hands were flat against the table. He looked as though it troubled him to speak of his emotions, but she knew she needed to press him.

Averting her stare from the dangling fairy, Lauren's eyes lingered on Ryan for a moment before saying coldly, "No, I want you to be honest with me, and stop playing the hurt victim role."

Losing all self-composure that he previously held, Ryan yelled, "What do you think this is, an act Lauren? That I am some fucking monster incapable of feelings?" Ryan had a tough hard look on his face, his mouth was set in a thin line, his gray eyes were blazed and fierce, and the unusual profanity use made Lauren flinch. "Do you think I just decided to waste my time with a girl I don't have any feelings for?" Seeing Ryan angry made Lauren lose all control over herself, and everything that she wanted to say to Ryan she knew would be said.

Slamming her fist on the table again, Lauren erupted with newfound anger, "I don't know what your feelings are Ryan! Remember we never discussed them because we never had anything but friendship, so excuse me for leaving when things got a bit out of hand!"

A new emotion was filling Lauren. It felt something like a tingling sensation that made her forget everything else but what was going on right there. As right as Ryan was about how she never considered him to have feelings, it still hurt her for him to think she could be so heartless, and she felt ashamed for her thoughtlessness.

"A bit out of hand?" Ryan asked in a new voice that Lauren could not place. Not looking at her, Ryan's voice turned quiet, "Do you regret what happened that night?" After a few moments without an answer, a few moments that seemed like a few minutes, the silence was all too much for her and apparently him, but Lauren could not move her tongue off the roof of her mouth because she knew her answer was not apart of the plan. She knew she did not regret it, but she would be damned it she told Ryan that.

Looking at Ryan, Lauren plainly noticed that the control Ryan had practiced so diligently a few moments ago had all but departed. It was being replaced with cool unmanageable anger. Slamming his right first on the table Ryan yelled, "DO YOU REGRET WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?"

Calming down almost instantly he managed to say softly, "I expect honesty."

Looking at Lauren it was clear that she was unfazed by his show of anger. Her profile was rigid, eyes staring blankly at him, mouth set in a haughtily line, hands clasped in a schoolgirl fashion, and face blank from all emotion when she insisted, "I don't know. Yes and no, I suppose."

"You suppose Lauren," he sneered, "I'm asking for honesty not a beat around the bush."

"I'm not beating around the bush, Ryan," Lauren interjected while unclasping her hands. Rubbing her neck, Lauren turned her eyes away from Ryan. She did not want to have this conversation with him. This was not what she planned.

"Then say what you feel. Say the first damn thing that comes to your mind!" Ryan pressed.

"It's not that easy, Ryan." Slumping in her seat, Lauren ran her fingers through her hair before looking back up at the ceiling. How could she tell him her feelings without sounding maudlin? How could she put herself out there and possibly risk her feelings? These were the thoughts that swarmed Lauren's head as she stared at Ryan.

"I like our friendship. It's something concrete." Looking Ryan in the eyes, Lauren pleaded with her large light brown eyes for him to understand, "You don't understand my life Ryan. I don't make friends easily, so I want to hold on to the few that I have."

"If you like what we shared, what's the prob —" he started, but Lauren interrupted him.

"I do like what we shared, but it won't work out. Ryan, I know it won't." Picking a strand of her hair Lauren nervously twirled it.

"I'm missing something," he gaped at her with an open mouth.

Letting go of her hair, "I can't do relationships," Lauren reasoned slowly.

Wrinkling his eyes, and closing his mouth only to open it again in a disbelieving manner, Ryan shook his head and mouthed, "Why not?" as though he was seriously confused and she was seriously a retard.

"Oh, I don't know. They just never end up working out, and I suffocate easily," waving her hands in dismissal, "We'd be together for a few minutes, and then one of use would hate the other, and our friendship would be gone," she fretted.

"Lauren, I'm not asking for a relationship," he began slowly, "we can still remain close friends, and just see where it goes from there." Grabbing her hands, Ryan made her look at him and assured, "I don't want to force you into something you don't want to do," laughing bitterly, "I just want to know where this is going and how you feel. I don't like being left in the dark when it comes to my feelings." Pausing, as though it hurt to continue, Ryan pointed out with a timid smile, "I do have feelings." His eyes, silently attacking were now so light of a gray they were almost pale blue, and she knew she was facing a grim defeat, to add to all of that, his hands were warm and felt strong and reassuring.

It all sounded nice to Lauren, but she still could not imagine it working out. Though not wanting to sound as though she was the heartless bastard she had portrayed him to be, Lauren silently agreed to take it slow. "Perhaps we can be friends and later work on being something else," she suggested. This was something that Lauren could actually deal with. Friends with Ryan was something that she figured would work out. She would get to see the guy that she was falling for, but she would not have to subject herself to disappointment, suffocation, and hurt that could potentially happen in a relationship with two people so incredibly different. When the time came for the friendship to advance to romance, she would back out.

They were still holding hands, and it felt awkward. Not wanting to yank her hands from his because it felt rude, Lauren slightly pulled one of her hands from his, grabbed her soda, and took a swig, though this did not free the other hand, which was still tightly in his grip.

"Can I have my hand back?" she asked staring down at their intertwined hands. The contrast was rather stunning: hers were small, dark, and soft, his were large, pale, and rough. "It's starting to make my hand sweat," Lauren confessed.

Ryan let go of her hand, gazed at her for a moment before getting up and tossing his can away. Turning towards her, he opened his mouth as though he wanted to say something, but closed it before words could escape. Lauren wondered what he was thinking, but disregarded it for another time. Getting up from the table, Lauren walked past Ryan to throw away her can. Tossing it in the trash bin, Lauren turned to Ryan and held out her hand, "I take it you don't recycle," she asked in what she hoped to be a warm voice.

Ryan seemed to study Lauren for a moment before putting his hand out, but instead of shaking Lauren's hand, Ryan grabbed hold of her hand, and yanked her into a tight hug. Looking up, Lauren studied Ryan's face as her chest pounded. Such close contact with Ryan made her giddy. Her chest was pounding, her head was becoming light, and her legs were starting to quiver, "Well now, I'm feeling a little woozy," Lauren joked. Still, Ryan did not let her go. Looking down at her, Ryan smirked, opened his mouth and mused, "Do I have that much of an effect on you? I would like to think I do." Letting her go, Ryan placed both hands on her shoulders and pushed the question, "Stay the night Lauren, I don't trust those crazies, and no I don't recycle."

Looking up at Ryan, Lauren noticed how striking he was, his looks were stunning, and they complement one another. He was stylish, but not in a metrosexual way because behind his style was pure masculinity from the light cigar smell, to the rough prickly shadow that wrapped around his cheeks, to his strong athletic build. He oozed sexuality. "I don't know Ryan," laughing she continued, "I wonder if it's a good idea for me to spend the night."

Without missing a beat, Ryan proclaimed convincingly, "We're friends, right?" squeezing her shoulders, "Friends have sleepovers."

Raising an eyebrow, Lauren looked him in the eye and chuckled, "I suppose they do." Letting go of her shoulders, "Come on, we can watch The Mist," he coaxed walking over towards the sitting room.

In a less than eager voice, Lauren replied, "I don't really care for horror movies. They don't sit well with me," but she followed him into the sitting room.

"You'll be alright," grabbing her hand, Ryan dragged her over to the couch, "I can protect you." Plopping down on the seat, he patted for her to sit next to him. Rolling her eyes, Lauren sat down, only realizing how nothing went right when it came to Ryan. He alone seemed to have the ability to talk her into doing anything.

Sitting so close to Ryan, Lauren could feel the heat from his body. Swallowing hard, Lauren tried not to think about Ryan and focused on the TV, which was turned to E! and the old lady with the sex show was on. Directing her attention to the TV, Lauren watched without seeing when the words blurted out, "How to achieve a full orgasm in five minutes."

Stifling a gasp, Lauren went to grab the remote off the table the same time as Ryan did and their hands bumped into each other. Yanking her hand free, Lauren lowered her eyes, and tried to count to ten. She knew this would be a long night. Just the slightest touch from Ryan was turning her into a foolish schoolgirl. She had so much to say to Ryan, and yet so little. The last few months as Ryan's friend was filled with happiness, something that Lauren had grown away from.

Prior to meeting Ryan, Lauren's life was filled with randomness. She would wake up, go to class, work on schoolwork, play cards, and do other daily actives like target shooting and riding her bike to keep her mind off her mother. These things alone past the time and prevented her mind from driving her crazy, but they never solved the issue ... they just pushed her issues out of focus. However, the last month was different. She was happy when she was around Ryan, well at least when she was not think about the union of a relationship, and she truly felt like smiling.

Sighing inwardly, Lauren watched as Ryan put on the movie. It was times like these when Lauren wondered how she worked herself into situations. Turning sidewise, Lauren sprawled out and laid her head in Ryan's lap while she tried to take her mind off the movie, which had just started, by recapping what happened just moments ago. She liked Ryan well enough as a friend, she was attracted to him, and she wanted to be with him, so why could she not allow herself to be in a relationship with him?

Fifteen minutes into the movie and Lauren was already scared; hell, she was petrified. Getting up, Lauren turned to Ryan and declared stiffly, "I think it's time I headed home." She wanted to tell him more, but the unformed words would not release themselves from her mouth. She knew that she was destined to the faith of never being able to spill her inner most feelings to many, and this upset her, but still her mouth remained closed to her secrets.

"What?" he quizzed looking at her as though he had no idea why she was mad, "Lauren, you'd be crazy to ride out in that rain at this time at night."

Turning away from Ryan so that her side profile faced him, Lauren mumbled in a small voice, "I've driven in rain before, that's the least of my worries." The most of her worries were getting away from the horror flick that was scaring the shit out of her.

Ryan, looking up at Lauren cautioned, "Lauren, it's almost four in the morning. Do you know how many crazies can be outside?"

"Yeah, I know!" Lauren yelled at him, she was beginning to become angry. She did not like people telling her what to do, let alone assuming she could not take care of herself.

"I have a better than good idea how many crazies are out at this time considering I just spent the last fifteen minutes watching a moving that is going to give me nightmares for the next three nights!"

Getting up, Ryan quickly walked over to where Lauren was standing, and placed a hand on her shoulder pulling her close. "Is that the problem Lauren, the horror movie?" Rubbing her back as though she were a scared child, which only infuriated Lauren, Ryan tried to lead her back to the couch. When she refused to walk over, Ryan stated in a quit voice, "We don't have to finish watching the movie. I didn't realize it would scare you that much."

Not looking at him Lauren muttered lightly, "Of course you didn't, Ryan, but that still doesn't change the fact that I have to head home."

"How about you stay until the morning, so that you can ride back in the light, and when it's not raining so hard?" Looking at Ryan, Lauren noticed that he actually looked concerned for her safety. This alone was the reason she decided to stay. It felt good to have someone outside her family genuinely care about her safety. It made her feel special and wanted.

Hunching her shoulders, Lauren walked back over towards Ryan, and let him take her in his arms. The stood like that a few seconds before he walked her over to his bedroom.

"If you want me to lie on the floor Lauren, I will," Ryan offered while digging in his drawer. Shaking her head, Lauren watched as he pulled out a white t-shirt and a pair of boxers. He handed them to Lauren. Grabbing them, Lauren laid them on the bed and proceeded to take her clothes off excepted her bra and panties. Putting on Ryan's belongings, Lauren noticed that Ryan had already climbed into bed. When she was done, she climbed in beside him, and laid there for about thirty minutes when she realized he was asleep.

Snuggling closer to Ryan, Lauren turned over on her back before turning over on her stomach again. It was impossible for her to go to sleep at this time, and not only that, but her mind kept turning towards the half-naked guy lying right beside her. Sighing, Lauren turned over again and tried to clear her mind. It did not work. Realizing that there was no way she was going to sleep she figured a harmless sex fantasy about Ryan would not harm her; perhaps it would clear her mind in the end. She imagined Ryan penetrating her for the first time but before she could imagine any further she stopped herself by realizing that sex dream would only make sleeping next to him harder.

Running her hand over his naked back, Lauren closed her eyes tightly and tried mentally to stop herself from rubbing his back, but somehow it was as though her mind was not working with her hand, and her hand stayed on his back. Ryan's skin was soft, and it only added to the heat that was burning in her. She could feel herself becoming wet, and it irritated the hell out of her that she could not control a simple emotion.

"What are you doing?" Ryan's foggy voice came through the dark.

"Nothing," she whispered back at him. Lauren felt Ryan turn over so that he was facing her. Opening her eyes, she stared at him meekly before saying, "Can't sleep."

"You can't sleep, so you decide to rub my back?" he snapped with all the fogginess gone from his voice.

"Yeah," she replied lamely. Ryan turned back around so that his back was once again facing her. Feeling at lost for words, Lauren put her hands back on Ryan's back and traced circles on it to kill the time, and also to get Ryan to turn back around.