A Dumb Blonde as Mayor

The article revealed Andrea was born and raised in St Louis and her father was a hugely wealthy barge operator. After graduating with a teaching degree she taught in two rural schools in the East and came into Pike's Pike fifteen months ago. She answered the call of a teaching shortage and resigned her permanent position to take up a temporary position at Pikes Point Elementary School.

The article under Mrs Strong's byline concluded, "She loves being in Pike's Point and hopes to marry the son of a local rancher."

Page three set out Andrea's election planks and page four was an advertisement that had cost her $80 (the page in the Gazette cost $2900) in which she set out, 'My Pledge to My Townspeople'.

* * *

Mayor James looked at the full-page ad in the Gazette and smiled, deciding PP needed a person like Andrea for mayor. Jake called him, sniveling and saying, "Did you see what that space-out lying bitch is saying in the Gazette?"

"Jake I'll give you $10,000 to run your campaign. Spend even one cent on anything else other that electioneering and I'll nail your balls to the school gate."

Alone for lunch with Tim and Jefferson out with the men castrating bull calves, Priscilla sorted through the mail she'd just collected from the gate and opened the PP Newssheet wondering why it was being distributed beyond the town limits. She smiled as she read about Jake and his F-word and turned and began reading about Miss Finn who was managing to turn her son into a lovesick calf. She got to the piece where Andrea said she hoped to soon marry a local rancher's son and grabbed her radio.

"Tim!" she shrieked when he answered.

Tim tried to shake the violent verberation from his ear.

"This little mayoral aspirant of yours is allowing some other jerk rancher's son to woo her."

"She's not little – she stands six feet."

"Tim Robbins, don't you smart-ass me. You get Jefferson back here right away to shower and change and you drop him on to Miss Finn by chopper."

"I can't. Low flying in town limits is prohibited without authorization."

"Tim, I said..."

"Yes dear. I'll do it. So you want him to counter woo?"

"What's that?"

"Um, this other jerk is wooing Andrea so our son goes in and does it better. Best man wins. End of story."

"Oh darling, how romantic. I'll be waiting for your return, all warm and fuzzy."

Andrea as well as half the neighborhood ran outside, drawn by the sound of the hovering helicopter.

She looked up to see a guy being winched down to her. She recognized and caught Jefferson but he was too heavy for her and they fell to the ground. She kissed him and he kissed her back and she moaned and... he groaned and said, I've got out of this harness and let dad get away before the cops come."

As the helicopter flew off they heard the siren.

Andrea acted astutely: "Everyone – mayoral candidate Andrea Finn speaking. The cops will want to know about a helicopter. I'm in deep crap if they find chopper delivered a surprise package to me. I'm relying on you guys. A backfiring vehicle is a possible alternative."

"Right Andrea." people called.

"Go Andrea – what a wonderful neighbor to have," called a mother with a child in Andrea's room at school.

The cops arrived and the sergeant saw Andrea and sighed. "I might have known."

"Oh officer, is this a courtesy visit? Meet Jefferson Robbins."

"Tim Robbins' son?"

"Yes, how knowledgeable you are sergeant."

"Tim Robbins owns a chopper."

"Um he's castrating bull calves with it today." Andrea said sweetly, blushing.

"How the hell do that do that by chopper?"

"Well sergeant, I'm no authority, but I imagine they tie some cutting string around the nuts and the chopper lifts the poor darling into the air a bit and whoopsie, all done."

The driver in the patrol car was almost falling out of the vehicle laughing and the sergeant's chest was lifting up and down in suppressed mirth. The sergeant and driver went around questioning neighbors.

"I can't believe this," said the sergeant returning. "Phil and I distinctly saw a chopper flying off yet all these neighbors say all they heard was a vehicle either misfiring or back firing."

"That means you and your associate must have been blinded by sun and seen an optical illusion – possible a sun spot."

"Sun spots occur on the sun and even a blonde should have observed the sun was behind us as we arrived."

"Oh."

"Miss Finn. Here's my number. Please call me when embarking on or becoming associated with borderline activities likely to trigger complaints to the police. Just assure me you are up to no real harm and you have every witnessed carefully rehearsed and we'll cancel the call-out based on your assurance."

"Oh thank you sergeant. Here let me kiss you. Good boy. Reducing call-outs would be best for everyone."

"Indeed Miss Finn. You'll make a fine mayor."

Neighbors had come from their homes to listen to Andrea being interrogated.

"Three cheers for the police," called the mother who was a fan of Miss Finn.

The two policemen drove away red-faced to rousing cheers.

The woman's child Robina ran to Miss Finn who picked her up.

"Hello darling," she said, kissing the 6-year-old.

"Hello darling," Jefferson said, turning, unaware what had been happening behind his back.

"Oooh," said Miss Finn.

"Kiss, kiss," called Robina's mother.

The crowd began to chant kiss-kiss and Jefferson, off a cattle ranch, sheepishly kissed Miss Finn and a romance flared.

Jefferson had to stay that evening because he was without a vehicle and didn't fancy riding Andrea's bicycle home. He chose not to think an alternative was to call in someone from the ranch. He'd remember to do that in the morning.

CHAPTER 3

When the TV movie finished Andrea stirred the half-asleep Jefferson and he carried her into the bedroom. There was only the one bed in the sparsely furnished house so it seemed the right thing to do.

"Sleep with me," Andrea requested, as he lifted the toilet seat and deposited her. Being a gentleman he pulled down her panties and left the room.

"Do you ride?" he asked, turning at the door and hearing the stream.

"Ponies at county fairs years ago were my lot."

"No, I meant Cowgirl?"

She flushed and gave him a beautiful smile.

Andrea emerged from the bathroom and stood uncertainly. Jefferson was already standing uncertainly.

"You'd said no bed before we got to know one another better."

Caught in the growing sexual tension, Andrea said pragmatically, "That sounds like an out-of-date statement that has automatically cancelled itself."

"Spoken like a politician. I'll never forget this day."

"What, our first real kiss?"

"No the audacity of you attempting to convince an senior policeman that bull calves could be castrated by helicopter."

"Well I had to say something."

"Say something to me."

"I expect soon to be loving you deeply Jefferson."

Jefferson leapt at her, braking hard. He lifted off her top and she turned to make it easier for him with the bra.

That garment ended up hanging from the ceiling light shade.

He turned her, kissing both breasts and saying in wonder, "There are two of them."

"Did you only expect one?"

"No three – you do mount a pretty awesome front row."

Andrea's knees turned to jelly but she caught her and she groaned, feeling the shape of his erection against her thigh.

"If we do this it makes me a promiscuous mayoral candidate."

"That will give the women of the town something of interest to talk about. Mom reckons from talking to her friends most of the women of the town will be voting for you."

"Well if that's true I've won, if they all vote because that's at least 8,000 women of voting age and at least a quarter of their husbands will be told how to vote."

"Right now could we talk about something else?"

"Oh yes, where were we?"

"You were getting ready to suck my dick."

"Oh yes, every night before I go I sleep I think of swinging off your erect penis."

Jefferson's knees turned to jelly but Andrea caught him and held him steady.

Strong once again, Jefferson kissed Andrea and stroked and licked flesh until she was whimpering. He undressed them both and lifted her on to the bed and licked her pussy until she was writhing helplessly. He then sprawled on the bed and waited. When her panting subsided Andrea straddled Jefferson. She had no trouble gathering him into her fist and aiming pretty well spot-on, lowered until she felt dick against cunt – recalibrated precisely– and then sank on to him with a sigh.

"Oh boy," Jefferson groaned. "You and I are one, just like I've visualized most nights when I jerk off and them imagine my cum flowing down your tits like cow's milk."

That was following like the sound of a cow giving birth. "Oh god, I'm coming and we haven't even started fucking," Andrea blurted, and then groaned and shuddered.

"That's my girl – you're really juicy. I'm really impressed. Bang me when you're ready."

Afterwards when resting in Jefferson's arms Andrea said after deep intellectual appraisal: "I think I could fuck you all night."

He leered.

"Oh god, I only meant to think that."

Jefferson said his dad was worried that Andrea faced an uphill battle at the election on the basis many people, including younger voters, would think Andrea was too young to be mayor of PP, especially in view of her lack of governing experience. "You are twenty-six whereas Wide James is thirty-eight."

"Well thanks for that. Perhaps I'll address the issue when I go face-to-face with Wide James on TV."

"No TV station in Mornington will devote resources to promote PP's election."

"Well as it so happens I've convinced TV8 to run a 10 minute face-off during the news hour tomorrow night between me and Wide James with Mia Roake asking us questions."

"Mia Roake will rip you both to shreds."

"Um, I found out Mia dislikes fat people."

Jefferson laughed and tiredly placed a hand affectionately over Andrea's stomach. She squealed and was all over him.

* * *

Wide James' wife Claire, no lightweight herself, called a clan conference.

"This bitch seeking to become mayor ahead of Jake scored heavily on Jake because he was too stupid to be interviewed by that woman who puts out that crappy newssheet. Now he has a chance to trounce her on TV. We need to agree on which questions Jake should submit to the interviewer to ask. She has invited him to do that.

The meeting continued for four hours, the clan rehearsing Jake with his answers to questions.

At Andrea's home Jefferson asked, "Shouldn't we be considering what questions to submit to Mia? She has invited you to submit some."

"No, I'd rather fuck. Come here Big Boy."

* * *

Andrea and Jefferson went early next day to Mornington City and had lunch with the chairman and CEO of the Port Authority who were very interested to discuss Andrea's thoughts on reviving freight shipping.

"You know, instead of calling tenders for a tug-barge operation why doesn't the Port Authority consider taking out a multi-million-dollar loan and building its own roll-on-roll off vessel and docking facilities to service PP – er Piper's Point – and other smaller centers around the inlet? Think of the revenues generated and what subsidies such a environmental advantageous project would attract."

The chairman went glassy-eyed and the CEO's brain appeared to be going into calculations overload.

"How old are you Andrea?" asked the chairman... 50 with a PhD and a long career in commerce?"

As they walked off to have afternoon tea with the Mayor of Mornington, his CEO and wives, Jefferson said, "I wouldn't have believed I'd see two big shots like those two guys eating out of your hand."

"Men tend to do that with blondes darling. Women simply can't believe a blonde could come up with anything of merit."

"Isn't that sexual discrimination?"

"I'd love to be there if you dared suggest that to woman darling."

City Hall reeked of formality and custom. "We regret we can only give you fifteen minutes Miss Finn," smile Mayor Lord.

"That's fine. I know your city is 16.3 tines larger than Pike's Point so thought I'd merit only ninety-six seconds of your time Mr Mayor."

"Is 16.3 correct Ivan?"

The CEO pulled out his calculator.

"He's ignoring you darling," Mrs Lord smiled.

"No I don't think so ma'am; he's checking to see how smart I am. That's a lovely hat you're wearing."

"Oh thank you. I actually purchased it in Pike's Point. A carload of us travels there each Thursday afternoon for coffee at your beautiful garden coffee shop. We have nothing like that in this city."

"Oh really?"

"She's spot on Frank."

"So you accept us as big brother Miss Finn?"

"Oh yes. If I'm elected I'll come to you with a shopping list. Our town water and sewerage disposal systems are nearing the end of their economic life. My thoughts dither between complete replacements or coming to you to open talks about connecting to your utilities."

"Dither? I think that's a hugely intelligent idea."

"Oh, silly me. I was reading Mr Mayor that your airport, which we also regard as our airport, lacks sufficient length for larger jets and there is the limitations due to the distant hills. It would be costly for our small community to link twin reticulation system 38-miles if the pipelines had to follow the road route. I have this scatty idea. You see our city owns a 22,000-acre ranch alongside the boundary with your city that is flat and without high hills in the near distance. The land came to the city through a mortgagee default auction and with big local taxes owing on the land."

Mayor Luxford, eyes bulging, looked at his CEO and looked back at Andrea like a grinning Barracuda. The mayor said, "Scatty? Oh I don't think so dear but we would deal with those projects in isolation."

"Oh Mr Mayor, I know I'm a woman with big breasts and men have no time for women like that but I do see a connection between the two projects. Mornington would have to run water and sewerage pipelines with pumping stations to a new airport, if that very attractive proposition goes ahead. Extra capacity would be built into those pipelines and according to my estimates it's only seven miles of pipeline for Pike's Point to connect to those pipelines at the new airport."

"Miss Finn," said the mayor. "Are you some sort of visionary?"

"No darling," laughed his wife. "Andrea is just one of those fluffy things you men think should be in the kitchen with an apron on over her pregnant bulge."

The men laughed politely.

"Ivan, why don't you ask Cynthia to fetch in wine and beer and cream cakes? I'm having the time of my life here. You have a fertile brain from a blonde Andrea, if I may say that."

"Yes of course Mr Mayor. I accept that as a well constructed comment for a man."

The two wives laughed hysterically.

Almost two hours later Jefferson and Andrea left City Hall and Jefferson said, "That was a long quarter hour. Your charmed the pants off all four of them, um, figuratively."

"Well is was productive groundwork darling. I have a wee job for those men and the authority guys on the eve of the election."

"Does anyone else know about your proposal that the authority run the freight service?"

"No – apart from those two surprised men we had lunch with."

"And do other people know about the new airport and sewerage and water connection proposals?"

"Only you, me and those four at this afternoon's meeting."

"Two young they say! Andrea, I think the only person with a proper fix on you is that police sergeant, Guy Bell."

"Oh darling. You are so sweet to me."

* * *

TV presenter Mia Roache began, "We are honored tonight to have in the studio the two candidates fighting to become mayor of Pike's Point. Usually we only deal with major elections in Mornington but this is an election with a difference. The James clan has ruled the town for 32 years by supplying its mayors and Candidate Jake here is Jake James. Coming face to face against him is Andrea Finn who's been a resident of Pike's Point for a mere fifteen months. Our research findings show there is wide prejudice against voting for a grossly overweight candidate and perhaps even greater prejudice against having a female mayor. Now that makes this election different. Indeed will anyone vote?"

"Jake, what do you stand for?"

"Continuing the solid policies that have developed Pike's Point into a great place to live, work and raise a family."

"Andrea?"

"Yes more of the same is a good idea."

"Jake, what can you contribute?"

"The ability to steer my council to deliver more of the same."

"Andrea?"

"I'd like to persuade the council if I can to provide more flower gardens to beautify the town precinct more and would like to ask storeowners to contribute to a council initiative to hang flower baskets outside all stores. It would make Main Street more interesting."

"Jake, are council employers doing a good job?"

"Sure, I know many of them and drink with many of them in bars. Residents tend to want blood from their council. All they are entitled to is a fair deal."

"Andrea?"

"Jake is correct. All citizens are entitled to be fair deal, particularly those contributing local taxes. Governance of bureaucracy seems to operate to some degree on inertia. I propose introducing systems of measuring performance and having departments divided into teams and winning teams will be rewarded in some appropriate manner devised by the CEO and his team."

"Oh, so very interesting. Finally Jake, what do you say to voters?"

"Vote for me; vote for a guy and you vote for a winner."

"Andrea?"

"Vote for Jake and you'll want your head read."

Jake protested, saying that was abusive. Mia said she didn't think it was but invited him to have the final say.

"Miss Finn will be bad for Pike's Point. She is full of ideas, would be a bossy leader and sounds as if she wants blood from council employees. That is not on. Vote for Jake and you'll get, um, nothing you didn't expect."

"Thank you Jake. Thank you Andrea. I'm sure voters will have gained a clear impression from tonight's comments on who they should pick as their next mayor."

On the drive home, Jefferson said, "I can't understand you. This afternoon you were brilliant against those officials but tonight on that match-up you almost strived to show there was not much difference in policies between you and Jake whereas that's not the case."

"Oh dear, did I muff it?"

"I reckon so but my instinct tells me this was a dumb blonde strategy."

Andrea giggled and said, "Bright boy. At this point I wanted to give the impression there is not much difference between us. I aligned myself to his 'more of the same' approach and that would have raised a groan among viewers. But then I moved away from Jake and began talking about things women are interested in... beautifying the town, getting an honest day's work out of any slack council personal but without suggesting all council personnel were slackers and antagonizing them."

"And then darling Jake unintentionally confessed to being a boozer and possibly would continuing boozing with his cronies working in the council. Now that would get the backs up of many women viewers and then I told them what they wanted to hear, anyone voting for Jake James would want their head read. I could imagine women in their lounges laughing and clapping and saying that Andrea is awfully young but I'm going to vote for her."

"Jesus, you lined Jake up and then knee-capped him?"

"In a manner of speaking yes, but his confession that he might be an excessive drinker played into my court completely unexpectedly. And then in that final and obviously unrehearsed reply he totally hung himself, leaving every viewer hearing Miss Finn was brimming with ideas while Jake James just had an empty head. I also whispered to Mia before we went on that I didn't mind if she led in with Fatso first. She giggled and said was I sure and I said oh yes and she gave me a big wink. I'm so happy with my debut into public life."